how do u overcome anger?

[rockassmonster]

hi there,

ive been having this problem since i was young..
i get angry easily..
anger is a healthy reaction, but for me,it is not..
ive had major fights in my sch, pubs, everywhere man..
ive even punched this police officer at esplanade back in 2007 over a stupid reason..i was lucky he forgave me..
my boiling point is crazy,and i need help..
ive had enough ruining people's life with this attitude..it is now eating away my relationship with people around me..


ive tried various ways to calm myself down each time, but it doesnt work in a long run,i forget abt it the next time i get angry..

what do u guys do to maintain a healthy relationship with ur spouses, even when u guys argue?

what do u do to keep urself cool when ur angry?

share ur thoughts on how to promote patience and love...

 

[Hickey_]

I dont think anyone would give you any suggestions. Because if their suggestions doesnt work you will probably hunt them down and whack them, dont whack me. ):


Count from 1 to 1000.

 

[bryan1234]

Rememeber this: He who angers you conquers you.

 

[ilovegm]

Lol at Hickey, asking for it...

Hope you're not getting violent with your partner or something, maybe you should go for anger management courses if it's too over the top...

Or visualise everyone as kittens, you wouldn't wanna hit or yell at kittens

 

[hifi_killer]

your propensity to flare up

Can be due to

1.your relationship with your parents when you are young..

nothing much you can do now if its in the past..

2.Biological factors - weak behavioural inhibition system, lack of sleep

some anti-anxiety pills may help though it is not recommended at all... and have enough sleep, regular sleeping patterns. Stay physically healthy.

3. the tense environment with lots of angry people around

Just avoid them

4. the experience of depression, severe anxiety or trauma.
If you have any of these , seek help.

5. Underlying beliefs

if you are looking for a long term solution to the problem, perhaps this should be the most important

if you approach life with rather pessimistic beliefs, i.e thinking lowly of yourself, assume that other people self-centered or cynical, and think your future is bleak, well chances are you will flare up very easily.

When you are angry , you wont have time and the cognitive resources to rationalise your thoughts . And so these beliefs are activated automatically and cause you to flare up even more.

On the contrary, if you think positively, i.e, happy with yourself, the world is benevolent , the world is meaningful, your future is bright, you will be able to understand and accommodate others more easily. Then you wont flare up that easily.

So you have to change attempt to change your mindset/beliefs. Well, you can do that by becoming more religious OR just simply expose yourself to and interact with good natured, optimistic people..

When you are angry, i think its already too late, its very difficult to cool yourself down from the agitated state. Anything you do will be futile.. it is impossible to rationalise your thoughts when you are angry. breathing exercises dont seem to work that well.. Avoiding and suppressing the angry thoughts only delays and built up the anger, it doesnt eliminate anger at all.

Instead, dont get angry in the first place.. be optimistic.

 

[xiaoviper]

Be calm. Breathe. Show some love.
Da bu shi teng, Ma bu shi ai
(Beating is not caring, scolding is not loving) as opposed to the original saying.

You don't really have to keep anger inside you, translating it to words would be better than violence. Thats what I think though.

Mind over body, let anger not take over you

 

[SmFizz]

Sometimes i feel like u dude..
like i cant control my anger. but then i think about the consequences if i start the fight and whether its worth it. then i take a deep breath and walk away.

also something which really helps is telling yourself when u wake up in the morning that its gonna be a good day .. and as long as u let nth spoil ur mood (e.g stubbing ur toe when u get up), it really will be a great day

cheers

 

[guitarlover]

being angry means losing control of your emotions...its not cool.....however, to some people they thought being angry is cool...

In fact when people gets angry, I simply entertain them by pretending that I am afraid of them, cause I know they need to release themselves, in fact in my heart I was laughing away...

I used to a bad temper guy too..but after reading some books on psychology, I begin to sort of understand how our minds work but not totally.. but it works for me at least..

I used laughter, think of good things, things that will makes me smile to calm myself...

laugh at problems, laugh at conflicts , laugh at many things....it sort of cool you down....

Don't take life too seriously, it helps..and do plenty of sports....

 

[van_halen]

seek professional help: http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Institute_of_Mental_Health

 

[Vaiyen]

Nonjudgmental awareness of anger

Be aware of anger rising, and be aware of it fading away. Isn't that the case for all emotions? They are transient. We cannot identify ourselves with them.
When you are aware of anger rising, don't try to reject it or push it away. That will agitate you even more, and you are gonna lash out.

Instead, watch your anger from the perspective of a neutral observer. Don't judge the anger. Fully accept it. Pay close attention to it as it rises and falls.
If total awareness is applied, the anger would evaporate as suddenly as it appeared.

You'll find after a few times of total awareness of the rising and falling of anger, your subsequent episodes will be less and less in intensity, and easier to handle.

All the best.



"Getting angry is punishing yourself over someone else's faults."

 

[SmFizz]

and while ur at it with anger quotes,
''The angry man opens his mouth and closes his eyes''.

 

[rockassmonster]

...

ironically, none of my family members have issues with anger..

i do not have any physical violence history with my partner,
but we argue a lot because i get agitated easily..even over simple things
like waiting for her, etc..im an a**hole in being patient,really..
i dont want this to drag till i get married..it is stupid..

yeah,i agree, be optimistic..
any good books to recommend? i really wanna take a step in improving my perception towards things..especially in relationships..

anyone seen a psychologist before to seek help?

 

[Hickey_]

Look into the mirror and say " IM THE BEST! TODAY IS GONNA BE A GOOD DAY!!" Or sleep with a smile, it helps.

 

[superpotato_30]

a hungry man is an angry man.

eat more.



ok on a more serious note there is no point getting angry over the actions of others because these are things you cant control. Another idea is to be more carefree.

you will find u have alot of time on your hands and can enjoy life better

 

[Plastic]

Look into the mirror and say " IM THE BEST! TODAY IS GONNA BE A GOOD DAY!!" Or sleep with a smile, it helps.

" They're laughing with you, not at you. "

and:

 

[surfboy]

if you feel like punching someone try to punch urself....or bring some plushy toys and beat them..........dude pls don beat me....

 

[teleplayer]

I will find a few friends who don't mind vulgarities and "talk" to them.

OR

Be alone for a few hours and let time chill you.

 

[hifi_killer]

Instead of avoiding and distracting yourself from your angry thoughts (thru music, breathing exercises, counting.. etc)
It is important that you process the angry thoughts in a less angry/threatening manner.. for instance, understand that the other party do not intend any harm, they have their reasons for being late etc..

when it comes to books .. The 5 people you meet in heaven, for one more day , both by Mitch Albom is a good read.
These books attempts to change people's perception of things with very touching and inspiring stories.

 

[squirrel]

I'd go seek professional help. or www.ineedafriend.com

 

[SicBarney]

Watch porn, PCC, then listen to some Slipknot/Children of Bodom/anything heavy.

Works for me. Well, sometimes.