abortion

[seekz]

Apart from those random nonsense comments, if you read carefully
you'll realise that the general consensus is that you need to face
up to your own mistakes. A moment of shame is not as bad as a life
of regret.

It takes alot of courage and Its definitely not easy.
But PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE do not think that the kid's gonna
destroy your life, or how the kid's gona end up with a broken
family or shattered childhood. And most definitely do not think you're
taking the higher road by ending that little life, by not letting him/her
suffer. Its rubbish.


Please do not think we're trying to stone you for what you have done.
Instead I am just very concerned about what you are about to do.
I do believe either/both of you have already decided on an abortion.
So then what kind of advice/counsel do you seek from us SOFTies?

 

[kaiwenny]

TS: Do not regret whatever decision that you and your gf has made.
You have learnt your lesson, so dont commit the same mistake again.
Hope you lead a better life after going through this ordeal.

Take care!

 

[love_replicate]

you said you were looking for "some positive solutions, not adding on to it, like what ur doing here.and i do not care if i disgust u, at least i respect the mistakes others made and help them out if i could." ...

Welcome to the internet. You started a thread asking for help on abortion, one of the most controversial topics ever. Did you seriously think the thread won't be spammed with "OMG PLEASE DON'T ABORT LIFE IS PRECIOUS/IT'S IMMORAL" posts? (no offence, but fact is many posts are like that._.)

You replied twice to soft's 11 pages of comments. Lots of sensible, well-thought-out pieces of advice had been dished to you.

Basically, what needs and should be said have already been said, so now all you got to do is to just go see a professional.

S.O.F.T. = Music In Singapore (soft.com.sg): soft.com.sg is a website dedicated to the local music industry in Singapore. We provide a platform for music lovers, makers, educators, dealers and event organizers to come together and share their knowledge and spread their information to fellow users. We do not specifically cater to abortion and all events, items, situations and ideas directly or indirectly related to abortion. WE DO MUSIC.*

We play guitar. We sing. We drum.
We don't pop fetuses. We're not the Missy who brings your GF her lunch while she is being warded.

On the other hand, if you decide to pay a professional a visit, here are some advantages:
- They've been trained to handle people like you.
- They can advice you on whether abortion should or should not be the option.
- If you choose to not abort, they can advice you on how to raise the child; they can provide guidance emotionally, financially etc
- Also this entire episode must have somehow hurt/damaged/shocked you and your GF and your families emotionally, professionals can help you with that whenever necessary
- If you choose to abort, they can direct you to a suitable doctor, give you advice, tell you what you must do, inform you of the paperwork you must submit, fees to pay, etc
- If you choose to abort, it's possible that you/GF/family/somebody ends up being emotionally hurt (somehow) by such decision. The professional can thus help.

http://singapore.angloinfo.com.sg/countries/singapore/abortion.asp

If every unmarried couple turns to internet forums for help on such matters, won't the professionals run out of business and hence, be sacked? They won't exist anymore. THEY ARE THERE FOR A REASON, SO CONSULT THEM.



*don't kill me for adding the last line myself

 

[c.adl]

i feel you TS, been on that state before and i can assure everyone who is not ready that it is hell.

first, get a checkup.

second, find a way to solve it. talk to ur parents about it, please don be afraid to do so as it is last resort, if she is pregnant and your parents wants her to keep and support the baby when it is delivered, than its gonna be alot easier. if your parents don come around to it, talk to ur gf's parents.

if both don come around to it than you may wanna think about abortion.

keeping it to urself will not solve anything.

good luck. and remember abortion is not the best way to go. we are looking at a life.

"safe sex is best sex, put on a latex before you get the late text. the " ohh shitt, im late " text.

if you don like to do ur thing with it on go for birth control! or learn how to steer properly.

 

[World-of-Music]

+ 10 to love_replicate and c.adl

 

[superpotato_30]

As mentioned by many users, this is a music forum and Soft will not be the place to solve you, and yes the best advise is to see a proff and consult ur folks and her folks.

I personally liked whitestrats analogy because i feel what he says is really down to earth.

He has given you a perspective of what can happen if you choose not to abort the child, from a grown up and more importantly parents perspective, which in summary speaks of a long term strain and broken family.

On the other hand users like Seekz and Soundalchemy have provided the negative aspects of aborting a child.

The answer?

Its a case by case basis. Some people have a child early and live happily ever after. In fact they make more. Like blueprint has mentioned, ask ur grandparents. They've been busy.

Others, like whitestrat mentioned, live with the child and then cannot take the strain as a result the basis of a family life crumbles.

Others like heckler abort the child carry on with life and yet feel the pinch till now.

There is no right nor wrong in this situation you are in. It all depends on whos skin u wanna step into and whos perspective you wanna look from. Just like saying one mans god is another mans devil, lay out the pros and cons of your situation. Look at both sides of the coin. Look at both sides of the coin from another persons view. Look at yourself.

Consult a professional not musicians whom 50% of the time deviate from topics

Carry on with life.

God bless

 

[DeathCubeK]

The TS probably forgot he even created this thread.

 

[shyamalan]

Silent Scream

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=EkD0PcIsM3U&feature=PlayList&p=496AB0FBA5F0EA9A&index=0&playnext=1

 

[johnf]

...

thanks to all who have given really realistic solutions..

i do not have any idea why this one idiot called me an ego (read the previous posts carefully).
if im an ego, i wouldnt even seek advices.and i merely posted a few replies here,and is that what made me an ego? listen to my tone from my post, do i sound like an ego.it is really stupid and blind to just rant ur mouth like that.
like i said, i read this thread everyday.


from the bottom of my heart, really,thank u for those who pm-ed me.at least they're some helpful souls out there.....

 

[THOA]

Erm... actually the body naturally discharges the remnants. She bleeds for quite a bit, but it's like having really heavy flow for menstruation. It's not as bad as you'd think.

That would be on the surface. But there are hormones inside her that have already biologically adjusting her to the what would have been newborn. It'll take some time for her to balance it back. That, on top of the psychological impact that the abortion may bring; the total sum stress will be something to cope.

 

[Whitestrat]

That would be on the surface. But there are hormones inside her that have already biologically adjusting her to the what would have been newborn. It'll take some time for her to balance it back. That, on top of the psychological impact that the abortion may bring; the total sum stress will be something to cope.

The hormonal adjustments take 6 months max to reset.

The psychological impact, on the other hand, is an entirely different matter. That may take forever.

 

[caijunlong]

Ehh, if it's me I'll let her decide on what to do and give her my full support. She needs assurance more than you do now. Accompany her more. Let her know you'll be with her no matter what. She's a girl afterall, can't expect her to face her parents alone. It's difficult for you to do this but it's even more difficult for her. Let her know you're will to bear the responsibility and consequences. Be a man and face the music! We all make mistakes in life. Got to admit and salvage it. If you notice she enters depression or what, bring her to the doctor. You too, stay cool.

 

[blueprintstudios]

johnf : you're welcome! it's nice that you read my posts well. so did your gf read this thread? no?

 

[Whitestrat]

But PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE do not think that the kid's gonna destroy your life, or how the kid's gona end up with a broken
family or shattered childhood. And most definitely do not think you're taking the higher road by ending that little life, by not letting him/her
suffer. Its rubbish.

How is this rubbish? Pray tell.

Having a child changes your life ENTIRELY. If you have no children, you have NO CLUE of what I'm talking about. To those who are accustomed to freedom and time, it is no longer so freely available. You become entirely responsible for that little life's life. If you are not prepared in any form for the change that is to come, there is no point in forcing the matter. If you force them into marriage to have a child (the child being the key reason to have a marriage), it is a FACT that such marriages do not last. The child WILL grow up in a dysfunctional family. Children are not leverage to be used in any debate. Very often, children are the key reason to a couple keeping their marriage even though the love has faded long ago. They usually end up in divorce. This is FACT. Whether the child grows up well and strong, depends on the support structure of that family on both sides. Where there is good grandparental support, the child can turn out fine. Where there is none, and the parents themselves fall to pieces, the child ends up troubled. It is rare for a child to grow up fine with a broken family. Again, this is FACT.

Of course the morally right thing to do is the have the baby. That is a no brainer. It's also the easiest to say, and the most guilt-free one. In Utopia, no child should ever be hurt and no child should ever be threatened.

But if you do not have to bear the responsibility and stress of having a child, then it's a lot easier to say that it is the right thing to do to keep it.

It IS stress and frustration when it is an unwanted child. It is NOT when it is a desired child. It is joy and happiness, as it should be. But alas, in this world, not all children are so desired. That is the sad but unfortunate fact of life.

This is not an easy decision to make, and it is one laden with pain regardless of whichever direction is taken. Abortion is not taking the high road. Whatever gave you that idea? They are BOTH low roads, just leading to different directions. Both have their own consequences.

Either way, the TS will have to bear the consequences of his own actions.

 

[blueprintstudios]

whitestrat : I'd like to ask, does it become the "high road" if the guy encourages the abortion more than the girl and then break off with her after cos he's capable of being heartless and moves on with his single life ? because I once knew several "players" who were like that + women who were "victims" (now single parents).

but of course our new softie johnf is not heartless, he cares and he was just asking for details of the preparation for his positive solution.

 

[Whitestrat]

I'd like to ask, does it become the "high road" if the guy encourages the abortion more than the girl and then break off with her after cos he's capable of being heartless and moves on with his single life ? because I once knew several "players" who were like that + women who were "victims" (now single parents).

I don't think there's any high roads in situations like this. More often than not, this is a decision that no one wants to make.

In fact, I actually think that this is not a decision for the man, but more for the woman. But the man must be prepared to stand by her regardless of what she chooses.

Look, if Johnf and GF have good family support and BOTH are prepared to commit, then I'd say go for it. Children are a joy (even though the first 6 months can get a bit trying.) to be had. There is no greater high in life than to be a proud father when you watch your child take his/her first steps, stick the fingers into the wall socket or break your porcelain things around the house.:mrgreen:

But I sort of get the feeling from his posts that neither he nor the GF are prepared in any way. And there's nothing that can change that except themselves. Not us, nor their parents. And if it is really so, then honestly it is better to nip the issue in the bud because it will be a child born of pain and not joy. That alone is a very sad issue. It is very difficult to bring up a child responsibly and well when you are estranged.

Of course, there's actually nothing in life that can prepare you for the moment your child arrives. The feeling of "Oh shit... this is it... No turning back now." is priceless.:mrgreen: I still treasure the moment when I was handed the scissors to cut the umbilical cord.

It is the greatest feeling in the world. and as a father, when you look at your child, you should have the mentality that you will want to give EVERYTHING to your child and only the best for them, not "oh crap... now I'm stuck with you". The problem arises mainly because you're not able to give the best, and you KNOW IT. That guilt kills you as well, and ruins the child's life because you become alien, grumpy and distant. The child loses a father, but gains pain from a stranger.

But back to your point, breaking up with the girl (or it could be the other way round, as I have witnessed before) is something that does normally happen after the abortion. Which is why I mentioned that he should remember that no matter what, his relationship will change. This usually happens because of guilt on either side, or plain selfishness from the guy. I had an ex who told me she would disappear from my life if she ever got pregnant. Thank God she didn't, but she did disappear, which is why she's now "ex". hahahaha...

Again, it it not a high road, at all, as I mentioned, because there are none. But these things do happen.

But for the women, remember: There is a difference between a real father, and some guy that screws you and leaves. The trick is differentiating between the 2 when you meet them.

P.S. Like you, I have also met both the victims and the leavers... It is a part of life.

 

[justheretolook]

women should read this thread, so as to prove not all men are jerks. +1 this thread.

good luck threadstarter, I went through a similar hurdle(my gf didnt had a period until like a month later) so just be patient, sometimes God is an arsehole, because you were an arsehole on earth. no offence aye, take care and good luck

 

[THOA]

The hormonal adjustments take 6 months max to reset.

The psychological impact, on the other hand, is an entirely different matter. That may take forever.

6 months. For some of us, 6 weeks is long enough.

Forever... aye to that.

 

[fuzztremecho]

great post bro whitey....

i'm a father of 2 beautiful gals...my 2nd was an "accident"...late withdrawal..hehehehe
nevertheless there were times during that pregnancy the thoughts of aborting it did cross me and my wifey..why...my 1st was about 1yr plus at that time, i've just got a HDB flat,my career was getting tough at that time etc etc...

financially we were "threading water" and the responsibilty of giving your best to another child...how should i put this...tough ??...

being a dad is a full time vocation which you need to put in 150%...no slacking allowed...
if not...do what is best for you...

people might say that its wrong to abort..but are they willing to help you out if that baby is born ?? unless a person has great support from those around him/her...i'd guess its better to do what's best for you...

on a personal note : i'm not for or anti abortion.....i'm a do what's best for you and make you happy camper...

 

[seekz]

Whitestrat:
This is a life and death matter, I don't wish to argue over.
Debates like this break out all the time, and I don't wish
to engage in one with you.

If you wish to paint a grim picture for the TS, then so be it.
If the TS is comforted by your support, then so be it.
Nip the so-called PROBLEM in the bud.