poetry/lyrics section

[daryl]

Blurry, all in a Flurry
Resonate, levitate.
Hang between these walls of regret and disappointment like sound so tame -
Am I a shame? To quit this game and leave no one
to pick up the pieces of a shattered hope.

Satiate, exonerate.
Satisfy this hunger of self-denial by striking myself off the list
of the sinned - don't I get the gist?
That everything started out cold.

And then I blew the whistle.

 

[Guest]

well..nope..woke up at 3am to write it..was soundly sleepin..and inspiration crashed in..

so yea..its totally un polished la..

heh..got long way to go..and much more to learn..if my lit teacher from my old sec skul sees this piece of shit..

shez prolly gonna slap my head and go..

"you're a pure lit student.ur capable of better"

but then again..i was never good at writing..only talkin.. :lol:

 

[yy_fuctup]

well..nope..

haha..lols..u got potential..just gotta work on it..and u are another fellow juronger..lols..

 

[ipul]

Hopelessness

Another one...it doesn't follow any real poetry schemes or stylings..but yeah, here it is.Comments pls!=)
------------
She's looking at herself in the mirror,
Dimmed lights, reminiscing all that she's tried
Tears run down her cheeks,
Damping her eyes, and a frown to match her lies.

Trying to find any tiny morsel of light in her life
She gave up, cause she couldn't find any at all.
Grown acclimated to all her sorrows, her faults,
Her future never did look bright.

And all her past doings and troubles through her life,
She never was one to conquer.
Wasn't the popular one, wasn't the pretty one at all,
just one who let life pass her by.

Holding on to that scrap of hope and self-pity
Thinking maybe lying to myself would help.
This melancholic feeling was everpresent,
Hopelessness unending, sadness lingering.

She's crying,
Crying till all her eyes run dry
She's crying,
Crying for her wasted life gone by
She's crying,
Crying to release all her sorrow,
She's crying,
crying for the all the wrongs that she's done.

 

[daryl]

it's good, probably a good manifestation of what you were trying to express. but there is no climax or anythng so it sounds pretty bland. perhaps the last stanza could be more powerful in terms of imagery.

 

[Freeko]

Last Breath

Keep it steady, old man,
Take another step, you’re getting close
He killed the woman you loved the most

After you’re done with him,
The hell you’ll send him to, will seem like heaven
It almost feels like a god sent mission

But the bloodbath you’ll cause will not quench your fill
Gallons of his blood won’t even give you a thrill

Keep it there, old man,
You’re reaching near,
Even without him knowing, you can smell his fear.

May God forgive the sins that will be done.
Forgive me for the blood I thirst and lust
Forgive me for this crime I must

Dare I take joy in this slaughter?
Concentrate. You cannot hesitate nor can you falter.

Creep up close
Steady and slow
Blindside him in one single blow

Unleash your fury of self-proclaimed justice,
Your actions are fueled with what the hatred sends
Tear apart his jaws with your own bare hands.

Keep pushing the blade further
When it is already in,
To let all the life spill out of him

May the bullets from my smoking guns take control
Go all the way down to hell along with his soul.

It was poetry in motion
Sweet, poetry in motion
I finally channeled all that raw, hell-bent emotion.

His dead stare signals that it is almost complete
My death is all that’s left,
May this shot to my head end my very last breath.


a poem i did for english class. comment please

 

[SherT]

Last Breath

Sin City? 8)

 

[yy_fuctup]

Re: Hopelessness

She's crying,.

i like the repitition of the phrase "she's crying".it emphasizes her feelings and helps readers empathize with her..gd job

 

[viper]

random idea for a lyric that came to my mind.pretty crappy,I'm not very good at this but comment appreciated

cannot see
the life ahead of me
I'm living like a dead cat in a drain
staying there
letting all of you
take over me

sanity come home
sanity come home
quickly come home
I'm waiting for you
sanity come home
sanity come home
make your way home
I'm slowly dying without you

...

 

[yy_fuctup]

the description about the cat in the drain was kind of weird.doesnt really help the reader relate to your thoughts.but the 2nd verse was quite nice.

 

[Freeko]

Sin City? 8)

ding ding ding

 

[viper]

the description about the cat in the drain was kind of weird.doesnt really help the reader relate to your thoughts.but the 2nd verse was quite nice.

thanks for the comment ! actually what I was trying to imply was that I'm living like a dead cat in a drain - like an obstruction to people's lives.
A dead cat in a drain blocks up the passage of whatever is in there.

 

[yy_fuctup]

cannot see
the life ahead of me
I'm living like a dead cat in a drain
staying there
letting all of you
take over me

hmm..that's ok.but the living like a dead cat in a drain and letting all of you take over me doesnt fit.maybe you can change licing like a dead cat in a drain to something that people can relate to more, for example like a weed amongst the flowers.try that.

 

[gsonique]

i would wanna know how to live like a dead cat ?!!

oh the drain bit just makes it brutal !!

must have been watchin "living dead" re-runs :lol:

i like the repitition of the phrase "she's crying".it emphasizes her feelings and helps readers empathize with her..gd job

a cry baby to avoid ....

repitition shows lack of motion ....

keep it comin fellas ...good job !!

 

[yy_fuctup]

i would wanna know how to live like a dead cat ?!!

oh the drain bit just makes it brutal !!

must have been watchin "living dead" re-runs :lol:

i like the repitition of the phrase "she's crying".it emphasizes her feelings and helps readers empathize with her..gd job

a cry baby to avoid ....

repitition shows lack of motion ....

keep it comin fellas ...good job !!

hahas,maybe the repetition shows that the poet is too numb for feelings..i dunno..just a comment.

 

[gsonique]

yy ...your lyrics are hopeless ....







give it some hope ...the world is not all darkness you know!

Btw you got skillz ...so be yourself ....

 

[yy_fuctup]

hahas.sori man.my life is not exactly bright and full of hope.so that was myself.and thanks for saying i got skills.actually i just write randomly without thinking most of the time.if u can give me some tips on how to improve.it will be great.thanks

 

[ipul]

Thanks for the comments...will keep them in mind. Anyways i'm not numb, contrary to what people say...haha. Actually learnt abit of technical skillz(that killz) from my Lit classes in sec school...where repetition is done to emphasize the meaning behind the words,and to "drill" into the reader the words being repeated...so that itll have a more profound effect.

Do post more poetry!Toodles..

 

[viper]

something for the morning


when I told you not to worship the devil
you said it's hard cos'you were born to be a rebel
how hard can it get ?
when you know heaven's a gift
yet you chose to leave yourself a place in hell

close your eyes now don't be afraid
afterall you've got a price to pay
do you have any last words to say?

sweet dreams my darling
before you know it
as you breathe your soul is gone
sweet dreams my darling
you know you won't wake up to see the sun arise
In the morning I hear your tormented cries

goodnight.

 

[yy_fuctup]

hmm..hard to comment for somebody who loves the devil.but if u switched it around,i'd say great job