that is not an option. i mean, drumming softly i guess requires control and all that. But ur gona need to play louder different parts of the song, to bring out the climax and the "feel". By playing softer, it looses that natural flow, cuz u have to think about hitting very lightly at the same time.
my room is so tiny also, hitting the snare regularly will kill your ears. I wear earplugs in there no matter what. So i really need a kit that will allow me to jam at a reasonably softer volume.