Post a Joke! (Enter at your own risk!)

[Z3r0_G]

superman was flying around metropolis one day. since crime was low, he got bored. so he went to find batman.

he flew to the batcave and asked: "hey batman, let's go for a burger and a coke."

batman said, "not today superman, i've gotta get my batmobile fixed. can't fight crime tonight with it like that."

so superman flies off to find spiderman.

but he says, "no can do supe, my webshooter's down. can't fight crime without it tonight."

so superman, super bored, goes flying along the rooftops of metropolis and sees wonderwoman lying flat on a rof stark naked. so he thinks to himself:"hmm.. people say i'm faster than a speeding bullet. this should be a jiffy."

so he zooms down, does the job, and flies off.

wonder woman got up and asked: "what was that?"

the invisible man on top of her says: "i don't know, but it sure hurt like hell."

 

[soft]

Z3r0_G, that was wicked man! ha..ha..haa...

 

[joel68]

Typical Chinese Joke

We all would have been in Haven if Adam and Eve were Ethnic Chinese ! :lol:

Why ?? 8O

They could have ate the Snake instead of Apple

Disclaimer: This is Just a Joke...not to hurt anybody's feelings or anything else...

 

[joel68]

Cats !!

Sarah, a recently widowed lady, was sitting on a beach towel at Cocoa Beach, Florida. She looked up and noticed that a man her age had walked up, placed his blanket on the sand nearby and began reading a book.

Smiling, she attempted to strike up a conversation with him. "Hello, sir," how are you?

"Fine, thank you," he responded, and turned back to his book.

"I love the beach. Do you come here often?" she asked.

"First time since my wife passed away last year," he replied, and again turned back to his book.

"Do you live around here?" she asked.

"Yes, I live over in Suntree, he answered, and then resumed reading.

Trying to find a topic of common interest, Sarah persisted. "Do you like pussycats?"

With that, the man threw his book down, jumped off his blanket onto hers, tore off both their swimsuits and gave her the most passionate ride of her life!

As the cloud of sand began to settle, Sarah gasped and asked the man, "How did you know that was what I wanted?"

The man replied, "How did you know my name was Katz?
:roll:

 

[joel68]

Improve your IQ

You May Not Know That Many Non-Living Things Have A Gender:

For example...


1) Ziploc Bags -- They are Male, because they hold everything in, but
you can see right through them.

2) Copiers -- They are Female, because once turned off, it takes a
while to warm them up again. It's an effective reproductive device if
the right buttons are pushed, but can wreak havoc if the wrong buttons
are pushed.

3) Tire -- Male, because it goes bald and it's often over-inflated.

4) Hot Air Balloon -- Male, because, to get it to go anywhere, you have
to light a fire under it, and of course, there's the hot air part.

5) Sponges -- Female, because they're soft, squeezable and retain
water.

6) Web Page -- Female, because it's always getting hit on.

7) Subway -- Male, because it uses the same old lines to pick people
up.

8) Hourglass -- Female, because over time, the weight shifts to the
bottom.

9) Hammer -- Male, because it hasn't changed much over the last 5,000
years, but it's handy to have around.

10) Remote Control -- Female...... Ha! You thought it'd be male. But
consider this -- it gives a man pleasure, he'd be lost without it, and
while he doesn't always know the right buttons to push, he keeps trying.

 

[joel68]

IT Savvy

Son:

Daddy, how was I born?"

Dad:

"Oh, very well, my son, one day you need to find out anyway!
Mom and Dad got together in a chat room on MSN. Dad set up
a date via e-mail with your mom and we met at a cyber cafe.
We found we were compatible and decided to link up. After that,
your mother downloaded from dad's memory stick. As soon as
dad was ready for an upload, it was discovered that neither one
of us had used a firewall. It was too late to hit the delete button,
and nine months later the blessed virus appeared."

 

[joel68]

Bush & Kerry at the Barbershop

G. W. Bush and John Kerry somehow ended up at the same barbershop. As they sat there, each being worked on by a different barber, not a word was spoken.

The barbers were even afraid to start a conversation, for fear it would turn
to politics. As the barbers finished their shaves, the one who had Kerry in
his chair reached for the aftershave.

Kerry was quick to stop him saying, "No thanks, my wife Theresa will smell
that and think I've been in a whorehouse."

The second barber turned to Bush and said, "How about you?"

Bush replied, "Go ahead, my wife doesn't know what the inside of a
whorehouse smells like."
:roll:

 

[stars]

disclaimer: no racism intended, take this lightly folks

there were four businessmen at a conference. an american , a cuban , a singaporean and a bangladeshi . they were boasting to each other about their wealth and how fincially well off they were and how successful they were in life.

the american man upped the stakes.

he took out 5 $50 US dollars from his wallet, borrowed a lighter from the cuban. he burnt the $50 dollar notes in front of his other guests. they were shocked and asked "why the hell did u do tt for ?". the american casually replied, " oh we have plenty of those in america"

the cuban man , not to be outdone , took out a havana cigar , top grade. he offered a box of similar cigars to the guests. then , he threw e box of cigars out of the window. the guests were shocked. they asked why did he do tt ? he casually replied, smoke drawling from his cigar, "oh zis cigar ? comrade castro makes plenty of these"

the singaporean man, kiasu and dun wan to lose face , took the bangladeshi businessman and threw him out of the window. the american and the cuban were shocked and horrified, " what the hell u do tt for mano ?" the singapore man gave a loud gaffaw, " aiyah ... singapore got a lot of bangla wan ... one less ... no big deal LaH"

 

[ChanMin]

wtf HAHAHAHAHAHAAHAHHAHAHA

Two gay gentlemen are walking through a zoo. They come across the
gorillas and after a while they notice that the male gorilla has a
massive erection.

The gay men are fascinated by this.

One of the men just can't bear it any longer and he reaches into
the cage to touch it. The gorilla grabs him, drags him into the cage and
mates with him for six hours nonstop.

When he's done, the gorilla throws the man back out of the cage. An
ambulance is called and the man is taken away to the hospital.

Next day his friend visits him in the hospital and asks, "Are you hurt?"

"AM I HURT?", he shouts, "Wouldn't you be? He hasn't called, he hasn't
written ..."

 

[stars]

lol

 

[ChanMin]

Q: What did the blind, deaf and dumb boy get for Christmas?
A: Cancer



A man was walking on the beach when he saw a woman with no arms and no legs crying. He asked, "Whats wrong?"
The lady says, "I have no arms, I have no legs, and I've never been fucked!"
So the man picks up the woman, gets in a boat with her, takes it out to the middle of the ocean and pushes her overboard.
"There," he says as he was leaving ...... "Now you're fucked!"

 

[MackSonne]

Hey no vulgarities lah...

 

[ChanMin]

haha ok ... whoopsie..

 

[stars]

Q: What did the blind, deaf and dumb boy get for Christmas?
A: Cancer



A man was walking on the beach when he saw a woman with no arms and no legs crying. He asked, "Whats wrong?"
The lady says, "I have no arms, I have no legs, and I've never been fucked!"
So the man picks up the woman, gets in a boat with her, takes it out to the middle of the ocean and pushes her overboard.
"There," he says as he was leaving ...... "Now you're fucked!"

nasty

 

[nic1327]

The Parrot

A young man named John received a parrot as a gift. The parrot had a
bad attitude and an even worse vocabulary. Every word out of the
bird's mouth was rude, obnoxious and laced with profanity.

John tried and tried to change the bird's attitude by consistently
saying only polite words, playing soft music and anything else he
could think of to "clean up" the bird's vocabulary. Finally, John was
fed up and he yelled at the parrot. The parrot yelled back. John shook
the parrot and the parrot got angrier and even ruder. John, in
desperation, threw up his hand, grabbed the bird and put him in the
freezer. For a few minutes the parrot squawked and kicked and
screamed. Then suddenly there was total quiet. Not a peep was heard
for over a minute. Fearing that he'd hurt the parrot, John quickly
opened the door to the freezer.

The parrot calmly stepped out onto John's outstretched arms and said
"I believe I may have offended you with my rude language and actions.
I'm sincerely remorseful for my inappropriate transgressions and I
fully intend to do everything I can to correct my rude and
unforgivable behavior."

John was stunned at the change in the bird's attitude. As he was about

to ask the parrot what had made such a dramatic change in his
behavior, the bird continued, "May I ask what the turkey did?"

 

[din]

The Brain

The Brain

No offend ah..

There's a guy with no brain in his head. So, he miraculously decide to buy one at the Brain Shop.

There, he saw three human brains inside a jar. All of the same size. The shop owner came up to him and explain the three different brains and their prices.

The first jar, he explained, is from Canada, and it costs $45. The second one is imported from Britain, at $85. The last one which came from USA costs $200.

So, the brainless fella chosed Britain's brain cause it's not too expensive and not too cheap, value-wise. After paying cash to the shop owner, he asked why USA brain was freaking expensive.
And he replied, because it has never been used before.

Adios.

 

[gordonzz]

 

[gordonzz]

does my signature below counts as a joke?

 

[ChanMin]

er... sorry dude...
good try though....

 

[ChanMin]

ok..tis is the ultimate weapon.



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