wife & mother

aggrezior

aggrezior

New member
i would like to start by telling to all that my mum is weird...or maybe too posessive.

my wife and i will normally go back to my parents place for dinner on 1 of the weekdays, after work. that is like plus minus 8pm. also will go back on either sat or sunday for half a day. the main problem>>>its all started when i got married 3 years ago. 4 of us stay together at the old house. for 6 months or so. then we decided to get our own house, which is only across a street. thinking it was a good chance so we moved in soon after. my mum starts to get so depressed after that. kept saying we had abandon them etc...i have said that we will still be seeing them every week. but she just some how could not take it. she will blame my wife everynow and then saying she had taken her son away from her. also say alot of nasty things that really hurt her. i as a son really do not know how to solve this issue. im really feel sad for my wife for going through this. we also had been trying hard to have a baby but still in vain. we thought so that having 1 more person in the family should have change my mum. she kept blaming us for not wanting to have baby. anyway my wife just got another session from her last evening when she reached my parents place 1st. im still in office when she sms me about it. i rushed back after that. haizzz...

In conclusion, my mum will always be templimental over to us and that really stress both of us alot. like that so stressful want to have baby also hard lor. doc have mention that my wife could be too stressful. i think like wise.

please advise
 
Hey there,

I'm not married and maybe I don't have the best solutions, but I do have friends who are and 1 or 2 of them have faced a similar situation.

My advice for you is to move out of your mum's place with your wife. If your wife is really feeling stressed and can't conceive, then it's time to take some drastic measures. You can't let your mum control you all your life. You have to stand firm, be firm with her, but in a loving way of course. Talk to her and make her understand. You're all grown up now and need your own space. A guy needs his personal space from him wife too! :P Haha side point. Well, I wish you all the best for you and your family. Hope this at least helps a little. :mrgreen:
 
1st of all wad a hell of a life you must be having, you have my full sympathy on that. I do understand your mum too, imagine you are the mum and has put in so much for the past 20 - 30 yrs and your son has move out just like that, even for a short distance.

But seriously though, I suggest give everyone time, people will adjust to their new lifestyle, but it will take sometime to get used to it, especially your mum but surely Life has to move on right unless you are thinking of sharing a whole house under one roof, if that ultimately isnt your intention then you really need to stick to your decision and live life and move on.

My mum has taken verbal abuse, multiple backstabs from my Aunt (she's a hell of a lovelovelovelovelove) for past 20 years, but life has to move on right, people will get used to it. I can see you are really filial to your mum and care for your wife as well, but sometimes you cannot please everyone. Maybe a baby can turn the situation around, who knows, the joy of a newborn can put everyone in peace. Getting a maid helps too sometimes.

Good luck dude on whatever outcome. I wished you all the best, you have my backing.
 
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Move further ....maybe to a differant country.

The problem here is YOU... stayed with your parents till the day you got married ....'failure to launch' as they say .... so pack your bags and run.

I left home after my "O's" ....1000km away actually.. ;)

Gen 2:24 Therefore a man shall leave his father and his mother and hold fast to his wife, and they shall become one flesh.

It means that a child has separated from their parents in such a way that the parents are no longer the dominant human relationship in their lives.

Wayne Mack in his book “Strengthening Your Marriage,” gives the following list of what it means to leave your parents:

>It means that you establish an adult relationship with them.
>It means that you must be more concerned about your mate’s ideas, opinions, and practices than those of your parents.
>It means that you must not be totally dependent on your parents for affection, approval, assistance, and counsel.
>It means that you must get rid of any bad attitudes toward your parents, or you will be tied emotionally to them no matter how far you move from them.
>It means that you must stop trying to change your mate simply because your parents do not like him the way he is.
>It means that you make the husband and wife relationship your highest priority human relationship.
>Yes, you should be concerned about being a good son/daughter-or mother/father, but you should be more concerned about being a good husband/wife than about being a good son/daughter or father/mother. >Children do not need indulgent parents who continually neglect each other. They need parents who will demonstrate how to face and solve problems. They need parents who will show them how to be good husbands and wives; how to relate to other people.
>Parents should prepare their children to leave, not to stay. A parent’s life must not be wrapped around his children or he may make them emotional cripples.
>Parent should be preparing themselves for the day when their children leave by cultivating common interests, by learning to do things together, and by deepening their friendship with each other.
>When children have married, parents must not try to run their lives. They must allow the young husband to be the head of his home, to make decisions for himself, to look to his wife, not the parents, as his primary responsibility and helper. Parents must encourage their daughter to depend upon her husband, not on the parents, for guidance, help, companionship, and affection.
Click to expand...

Hope this helps.....
 
gsonique said:
The problem here is YOU... stayed with your parents till the day you got married ....'failure to launch' as they say .... so pack your bags and run.
Click to expand...

i dun think the problem is him. there are tons of others who stayed with their parents all the way till they got married.

its more to his mum. cant blame the old lady, maybe she is lonely. tats all.
 
I feel for you and your wife.Maybe your mum is lonely and needs someone around but to hear that your wife gets verbal abuse from your mum is just scary.Cant imagine my future wife being treated as such by my mum.

I guess just have to tell her straight forward that over time you gotta separate.

One last thing.Are you the only child in the family?That might be the reason why your mum is over possessive.
 
:-(

well, I did not read thru all the replies on your post but this might be useful in a way,..or not,...
anyway, here goes....

my grandfather always says that once you get married, the responisibilty you have now is with your wife, not with the mother,..

maybe because you now have your own family, wife and future kids,...
 
Be patient with your mum yeah. She's not being possessive; my guess would be that she's going through midlife crisis and having what is called an "empty nest syndrome". It's quite normal but if she's not handling it well, you might need to help her out. Seeing how she's letting it out on your wife, it might be more distressing to her than you think.

You could read about it here to get a better perspective on her feelings and decide how to approach the situation.
http://www.psychologytoday.com/conditions/emptynest.html
http://www.netdoctor.co.uk/womenshealth/features/ens.htm

And these are some ways that could help her cope with it.
http://parentingteens.about.com/cs/azindex/l/aa050599.htm
http://www.flownthenest.com/intro.html

Would be good to sit down and talk to her and attend to her needs and feelings first and just listen to her before striking a compromise and deciding what to do to make both sides happy.
If things still doesn't work, it would be best to go to a family counsellor and get them to help explain and guide her into understanding the situation.

Hope it helps; Good luck and take care.
 
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Treatment
When a child's departure unleashes overwhelming sadness, treatment is definitely needed. Discuss your feelings with your general practitioner as soon as possible. You may need antidepressants, and you almost certainly could use some counseling to get your feelings into perspective.
Click to expand...

yeah good conselling there mate .... get the poor lady on Valium !!

valium2.jpg
 
I believe that having a children so that your parents can be the grandparents will be the most effective way. I mean, its proven countless of times, you see parents' and grandparents' face when the baby are born, they are gleaming with joy.

of course, you must let her know that you already beginning your own family and that you can stand on your own. I hope you'll get over it soon and all the best :)
 
I can see that this whole thing is affecting you very much as well. I say talk to your mom, maybe with your wife there as well, about this whole situation. Reason with her. Tell her how on earth can you abandon her after all she's done? Use other reasons. Use logic to persuade her.

Of course the other method which has been proven many times over is grandchildren. I wish you all the best, and remember to make sure your wife, mom and yourself handle this well. Don't do or say anything rash
 
you can't run away, but you can't stay either.
love can make you happy and sad luhh huh..

I don't have much to say, but I kinda know how you feel.
Whatever you're doing, don't give up on it.
Keep in mind that no matter how fckked the situation may seem, and you may just feel like running away from your mom, remember that shes IS your mom, you owe her.
 
Well, also remember this. You owe you're parents SOMETHING, that is given.

But the way I was brought up, you owe no one a living, and neither does anyone owe you a living.

Know how much you owe, but don't overdo it.
 
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