Lyricist Please stand man!!!!!!

[atee]

Why not have a lyrics section? This following poem thing is about war. Any critiques?

You can look at my other lyrics over here: http://www.freewebs.com/fored/lyrics.htm

Foreword - Amanda Tee

What if I told you tonight
That I would never be able to see the morning rays of tomorrow
And waking up was only a privilege
That I have not been entitled to have

What if I left your side at this moment
Knowing our eyes will not meet once more,
With feeling; if you ever saw me again
I sincerely hope these eyes of mine had been gorged out
So you did not have to watch their never-ending screams
Any identification lost, my naked form anonymous
So you did not have to know of my last step
On the stairway leading to...

For I want you to remember
Me - not as who I really am
For the truth is but a stake
With fatal spikes jutting out at both ends
For life is but the flipping pages in a book
And my thoughts now - its foreword

What if I were selfish till the very end, and
Must go back to where you were, unknowing
That you were always here all along, every hour
Every minute, every second I have been wanting to say
I love you
Right out of my lips
Right in front of you
Unfortunately I cannot reveal too much of the book’s contents

What if I told you tonight
Though clouds made sure the stars stayed hidden from my last, trying gaze
And a wake up call was foreign to me
That with my foreword said
I may rest with no grudge, in my chest?

 

[fgl]

Here's the lyrics to my song, WE'RE PLAYING IT IN THIS sUN'S sbotb 05 FINALS...


THE SIGN OF THE TIMES
WORDS & MUSIC BY FGL 8)


Verse1
A UNION BORNE OF ILLUSION, FEELIN OF ENCHANTMENT IN SIMPLER SIGHTS
LIKE AN OLD BOGART MOVIE, A STRANGER COMIN IN OUT OF THE NIGHT
LIKE THE BRIGHTEST LIGHT, THE BRIGHTEST STAR
OR A FLICKERING FLAME IN A RAGING STORM
LIKE DIMINISHED VIEWS OF WORLDS AFAR
THE AURA OF THE HUMAN FORM

PEOPLE OF THE WORLD, TIME TO DRAW THE LINE
FLY YOUR FLAGS UNFURLED, IT’S JUST THE SIGN OF THE TIMES

Verse 2
LIKE GENTLE RAIN ON A QUIET EVENING ON A HAZY MEMORY STILL UNCLEAR
AN INSTITUTION WHERE THERE’S NO GRIEVIN, TIME & PLACE THAT HOLDS NO FEAR
I’M ONE WITH YOU IM ONE WITH ALL PERSONIFY ME AS EVERYTHING
THE POWER OF A WATERFALL, THE WEAKNESS OF A HUMAN BEING

REPEAT CHORUS

Funkaverse 1
YOU CAN TELL BY THE CLOTHES SHE WEARS, SHE SO GOOD LOOKIN. SHE’S SO DEBONAIR
IT AINT MUCH TO WHAT WE SAY GONNA TELL, WE’RE GOIN ALL THE WAY

Funkaverse 2
TELL YA SOMETHING, DON’T GIMME NO JIVE GONNA FUNK YA GONNA CUM ALIVE
GET ON UP, GET ON DOWN COME BABY, YOU’RE GONA HEAR THE SOUND (OF) – STEWART!


REPEAT CHORUS X 2

tell me wha cha think.. :rock:

 

[moggie_54]

Its a straight forward lyrics though.. But well.. quite good indeed..

 

[fgl]

TQ..since it's a rock/ funk song, lyrics cant be too "cheem" - hard to getthe msg across when you signin it...
:rock:

 

[17wil]

let's revive this thread!

 

[MrRhoads]

Revive!

 

[atee]

We could have a songwriting competition of some sort in this forum.

 

[Scream_ed]

or maybe have a section where you present your fave lyrics of whatever songs you choose, and analyse what you like about it. Doing so will make you aware of things you can use in improveing your own writing. Overall, it can promote a good songwriting self-help kinda environment. Newbies can pick up new tips and blah blah blah..you catch my drift.

 

[17wil]

i 2nd the compeition.
then we see which other's best works. maybe make it to a song whooo

 

[MrRhoads]

We could have a songwriting competition of some sort in this forum.

+1

 

[shibby]

rayer: rayer: rayer: rayer: rayer: rayer:

 

[atee]

So it's on then?

How about we have a deadline, maybe 1 month later? Anyone for a theme, or write whatever we want? And we keep the entries anonymous, so can PM entries to one particular person, who'll put them up on a poll? Depending on the number of people participating we could have an online heats, semis, and finals hahaha.

 

[MrRhoads]

Hmm recording the songs you mean? What's the prize ... hehehe

one thing.. copyright

 

[atee]

Nah not recording. Words only. Otherwise people with better recording equipment, better skills etc will get the upper hand.

There can be a seperate recording comp at the open mic section maybe.

About copyright, just trust the people's dignity? Everyone here at soft can vouch for you if it really gets taken.

And prize... Just recognition I guess. For fun what. Don't make james scout around for sponsors. Unless he wants to. :wink:

So how? On ah? If on can set rules already.

 

[MrRhoads]

Er then it's more like a poetry competition? hehe. What about the lyrics we put up earlier in the thread? Pardon me but i think it's rather meaningless to judge lyrics without the music. We could record and send it to one thread in OM for softies to vote

 

[Scream_ed]

ok. I'm for it.

James be Simon Cowell?

 

[MrRhoads]

theme or no theme ?

 

[Scream_ed]

Theme as in...?

Lyrical content? The 'topic' of the song written. E.g patriotism....

Or theme as in style?That mean, erm, we all write in approx. the same genre. Easier to vote this way, or else will spark a gang war, i.e. metal fans will vote for metal, rock will vote for rock...

Recording quality should not be considered as a criteria lah. I read the rules of other competitions. As long as they can hear the song properly. Judge base on hte content, the overall writing of the song, blah blah...

Whoa, a SOFT reality tv. SOFT Idol...

 

[17wil]

lol...but if recording, some of us without recording equip. will lose out..lol :lol:

 

[atee]

It'd be a songwriting comp then, not one for lyrics? People without recording equipment, or with varying levels of playing of an instrument, or who do not play a melodic instrument (i.e. drummers?) are at a disadvantage.

But we can put that as a disclaimer.

I was hoping for one that concentrated on lyrics though. The content. Not just words put together to rhyme. But nvm, don't think people'd be interested.

"[John Lennon] often used to wake up in the middle of the night and ask me, ‘Why do people cover Paul’s songs so much, but never mine?’ I used to tell him, ‘It’s because you are a talented songwriter. You don’t just rhyme June with spoon. And you are a very good singer — lots of people would be too afraid to cover one of your songs." - Yoko Ono