Blues?
- Thread starter ilzaf
- Start date
shinobi
New member
the term 'blues' is misleading. it should be 'blacks' or something
unfortunately since the glory days of blues, the blacks have accumulated much wealth and fortune. this led to the development of the 'rhythm' aspect and it became known as 'rhythm and blues'
later on their wealth had escalated to such an extent that they were no longer content with keeping it in the banks, and took pride in displaying precious stones and gold on their body, collectively known as bling.
this took a toll on their music, and today R&B has evolved into a form which has neither rhythm nor blues
unfortunately since the glory days of blues, the blacks have accumulated much wealth and fortune. this led to the development of the 'rhythm' aspect and it became known as 'rhythm and blues'
later on their wealth had escalated to such an extent that they were no longer content with keeping it in the banks, and took pride in displaying precious stones and gold on their body, collectively known as bling.
this took a toll on their music, and today R&B has evolved into a form which has neither rhythm nor blues
How To Sing the Blues
1. Most Blues begin “woke up this morning.”
2. “I got a good woman” is a bad way to begin the Blues, unless you stick something nasty in right away:
I got a good woman—with the meanest face in town.
3. Blues are simple. After you have the first line right, repeat it. Then find something that rhymes. Sort of.
I got a good woman—with the meanest face in town.
I got a good woman—with the meanest face in town.
She got teeth like Margaret Thatcher and she weighs 500 pounds.
4. The Blues are not about limitless choice. You stuck in a ditch, you stuck in a ditch; ain't no way out.
5. Blues cars are Chevies, Cadillacs and broken-down trucks. Other acceptable Blues transportation modes include Greyhound buses and southbound trains. Walkin’ plays a major part in the Blues lifestyle. So does fixin’ to die. Blues don't travel in Volvos, BMWs, or SUVs. Jet aircraft and state-sponsored motor pools ain't even in the running.
6. Adults sing the Blues. Teenagers can’t sing the Blues. They ain't fixin' to die yet. In the Blues, "adulthood" means old enough to get the electric chair when you shoot that man in Memphis.
7. You can have the Blues in New York City, but not in Brooklyn or Queens. Hard times in Vermont, Tucson, or North Dakota are just depression. The best places to have the Blues are still Chicago, St. Louis, and Kansas City. You cannot have the blues in any place that don't get rain.
8. A man with male pattern baldness ain't the blues. A woman with male pattern baldness is. Breaking your leg while skiing is not the blues. Breaking your leg when your broken-down pickup truck rolled over on it is.
9. The following colors do not belong in the Blues: violet, beige, mauve (unless you’re truly desperate for a rhyme).
9. You can’t have the Blues in an office or a shopping mall. The lighting is just plain wrong. Go outside to the parking lot or sit by the dumpster.
10. Good places to have the Blues: the highway, a jailhouse, an empty bed, the bottom of a whiskey glass. Bad places to have the Blues: ashrams, gallery openings, weekends in the Hamptons, golf courses, Tiffany's, and Ivy League institutions.
11. No one will believe it’s the Blues if you wear a suit, unless you happen to be an old black man—and it’s an old black suit.
12. Do you have the right to sing the Blues?
Answer “Yes” if:
a. your first name is a southern state—like Georgia
b. you’re blind
c. you shot a man in Memphis.
d. you can’t be satisfied.
e. you're older than dirt
Answer “No” if:
a. you once were blind but now can see.
b. you’re deaf
c. the man in Memphis lived.
d. you have a trust fund or an IRA.
e. you have all your teeth
f. you were once blind but now can see
13. Blues is not about color, it's about bad luck. Tiger Woods cannot sing the blues; Gary Coleman could. Ugly old white people got a leg up on the blues. Julio Iglesias and Barbra Streisand will never sing the Blues.
14. If you ask for water and baby gives you gasoline, it’s the Blues. Other acceptable Blues beverages are: wine, whiskey, muddy water, beer, black coffee. Blues beverages are NOT: mixed drinks, kosher wine, sparkling water, Snapple, Starbucks Frappuccino, or Slim Fast. Although Rubber Biscuits and the Wish Sandwich are famous blues snacks, better stick to common blues grub like Greasy Bar-b-que, Fatback and beans, and Government cheeze. Blues food is never: Club sandwich, Sushi, or Crème brule.
15. If it occurs in a cheap motel or a shotgun shack, it’s a Blues death. Stabbed in the back by a jealous lover is a Blues death. So is substance abuse, the electric chair, or being denied treatment in an emergency room. It is not a Blues death to die during liposuction or from tennis elbow.
16. Excellent names for female Blues singers: Sadie, Big Momma, Bessie, or Fat River Dumpling. Excellent names for male Blues singers: Willie, Joe, Little Willie, Lightning, or Big Willie. Singers with names like Muffy, Sierra, Auburn, Alexis, Gwenyth, Sequoiz, Brittany or Rainbow are not permitted to sing the Blues, no matter how many men they shoot in Memphis.
17. The Build Your Own Blues Singer Name Starter Kit:
a. Name of physical infirmity (Blind, Cripple, Lame, Asthmatic)
b. First name (from above lists) or name of fruit (Lemon, Lime, Kiwi)
c. Last name of a U. S. president (Jefferson, Johnson, Fillmore, etc.)
Examples: Blind Lime Jefferson, Cripple Kiwi Fillmore, etc. (Okay, maybe not "Kiwi"…)
18. I don't care how tragic your life; if you own a computer, you cannot sing the Blues.
You'd best destroy it. Fire, a spilled bottle of Mad Dog, or shotgun.
Maybe your big ass woman just done sit on it. I don't care
19. Hey there, you can READ! This too be a big ol' problem. Most folks singin' the
Blues ain't never had much a chance for education. In the Blues… the three R's stand
for Railroads, Runnin' and Rehab.
20. It gots to be dark to sing the blues, preferably after midnight. Singin' da blues at noon is forbidden.
21. If none of the above works, try one last, pathetic stab at authenticity: name your guitar. Remember, Lucille is taken.
22. Epitaph on a blues musician's tombstone: "I didn't wake up this morning"
1. Most Blues begin “woke up this morning.”
2. “I got a good woman” is a bad way to begin the Blues, unless you stick something nasty in right away:
I got a good woman—with the meanest face in town.
3. Blues are simple. After you have the first line right, repeat it. Then find something that rhymes. Sort of.
I got a good woman—with the meanest face in town.
I got a good woman—with the meanest face in town.
She got teeth like Margaret Thatcher and she weighs 500 pounds.
4. The Blues are not about limitless choice. You stuck in a ditch, you stuck in a ditch; ain't no way out.
5. Blues cars are Chevies, Cadillacs and broken-down trucks. Other acceptable Blues transportation modes include Greyhound buses and southbound trains. Walkin’ plays a major part in the Blues lifestyle. So does fixin’ to die. Blues don't travel in Volvos, BMWs, or SUVs. Jet aircraft and state-sponsored motor pools ain't even in the running.
6. Adults sing the Blues. Teenagers can’t sing the Blues. They ain't fixin' to die yet. In the Blues, "adulthood" means old enough to get the electric chair when you shoot that man in Memphis.
7. You can have the Blues in New York City, but not in Brooklyn or Queens. Hard times in Vermont, Tucson, or North Dakota are just depression. The best places to have the Blues are still Chicago, St. Louis, and Kansas City. You cannot have the blues in any place that don't get rain.
8. A man with male pattern baldness ain't the blues. A woman with male pattern baldness is. Breaking your leg while skiing is not the blues. Breaking your leg when your broken-down pickup truck rolled over on it is.
9. The following colors do not belong in the Blues: violet, beige, mauve (unless you’re truly desperate for a rhyme).
9. You can’t have the Blues in an office or a shopping mall. The lighting is just plain wrong. Go outside to the parking lot or sit by the dumpster.
10. Good places to have the Blues: the highway, a jailhouse, an empty bed, the bottom of a whiskey glass. Bad places to have the Blues: ashrams, gallery openings, weekends in the Hamptons, golf courses, Tiffany's, and Ivy League institutions.
11. No one will believe it’s the Blues if you wear a suit, unless you happen to be an old black man—and it’s an old black suit.
12. Do you have the right to sing the Blues?
Answer “Yes” if:
a. your first name is a southern state—like Georgia
b. you’re blind
c. you shot a man in Memphis.
d. you can’t be satisfied.
e. you're older than dirt
Answer “No” if:
a. you once were blind but now can see.
b. you’re deaf
c. the man in Memphis lived.
d. you have a trust fund or an IRA.
e. you have all your teeth
f. you were once blind but now can see
13. Blues is not about color, it's about bad luck. Tiger Woods cannot sing the blues; Gary Coleman could. Ugly old white people got a leg up on the blues. Julio Iglesias and Barbra Streisand will never sing the Blues.
14. If you ask for water and baby gives you gasoline, it’s the Blues. Other acceptable Blues beverages are: wine, whiskey, muddy water, beer, black coffee. Blues beverages are NOT: mixed drinks, kosher wine, sparkling water, Snapple, Starbucks Frappuccino, or Slim Fast. Although Rubber Biscuits and the Wish Sandwich are famous blues snacks, better stick to common blues grub like Greasy Bar-b-que, Fatback and beans, and Government cheeze. Blues food is never: Club sandwich, Sushi, or Crème brule.
15. If it occurs in a cheap motel or a shotgun shack, it’s a Blues death. Stabbed in the back by a jealous lover is a Blues death. So is substance abuse, the electric chair, or being denied treatment in an emergency room. It is not a Blues death to die during liposuction or from tennis elbow.
16. Excellent names for female Blues singers: Sadie, Big Momma, Bessie, or Fat River Dumpling. Excellent names for male Blues singers: Willie, Joe, Little Willie, Lightning, or Big Willie. Singers with names like Muffy, Sierra, Auburn, Alexis, Gwenyth, Sequoiz, Brittany or Rainbow are not permitted to sing the Blues, no matter how many men they shoot in Memphis.
17. The Build Your Own Blues Singer Name Starter Kit:
a. Name of physical infirmity (Blind, Cripple, Lame, Asthmatic)
b. First name (from above lists) or name of fruit (Lemon, Lime, Kiwi)
c. Last name of a U. S. president (Jefferson, Johnson, Fillmore, etc.)
Examples: Blind Lime Jefferson, Cripple Kiwi Fillmore, etc. (Okay, maybe not "Kiwi"…)
18. I don't care how tragic your life; if you own a computer, you cannot sing the Blues.
You'd best destroy it. Fire, a spilled bottle of Mad Dog, or shotgun.
Maybe your big ass woman just done sit on it. I don't care
19. Hey there, you can READ! This too be a big ol' problem. Most folks singin' the
Blues ain't never had much a chance for education. In the Blues… the three R's stand
for Railroads, Runnin' and Rehab.
20. It gots to be dark to sing the blues, preferably after midnight. Singin' da blues at noon is forbidden.
21. If none of the above works, try one last, pathetic stab at authenticity: name your guitar. Remember, Lucille is taken.
22. Epitaph on a blues musician's tombstone: "I didn't wake up this morning"
snuffleupagus
New member
hahah i thought you wrote them all bro...but then I found this
BluesGuide.com - How To Sing the Blues
Great enlightenment nonetheless!
BluesGuide.com - How To Sing the Blues
Great enlightenment nonetheless!
oh ho, u flatter me. i wouldnt be so smart as to write that!
starring the great steve vai! *didiliydidilydidilydidily* (extreme wang bar action)
Godspeed64
Active member
I have absolutely no friggin' idea what you just said.. :roll:
THOA
New member
ajim.theorb
New member
to me blues just hist you right on your soul. and it teaches you how to sing while you play the guitar. and pentatonic scale is an awesome scale to play around with. its not fancy schmancy, but its soo damn cool.
fgl
Well-known member
marilyn
New member
well i guess thats the SG BLUES for us!
also to GLblues i gonna relate to the 3RS to sg haha
road blues: road tax, CTE JAM, ERP everywhere, speed limits, cab drivers, lousy sg rude drivers.
railroad, mrt no seats, ppl jamming the doors b4 they board, everyone goin to slp if u r old and n standing.
rehab: sorry no rehab for us its just jail time, rehabilation in sg is just a nice word.
i got a big fine car, yea baby it look so sweet
i got a big fine car, yea baby it roll so sweet
well the JAM in CTE is BIG,
and the ERP is KILLING ME~~~~!!!! OOOOhhh Yea
I Got on the MRT, LORD HAVE MERCY there's no more seats
I GOT on the MRT, LORD HAvE MERCY there's no more seats
well everybodies faking a sleeping~~~
I got the standing ME POOR ~'OLD'~ ME.... (follows by guitar solo 365 bars)
fgl
Well-known member
marilyn
New member
mmm I see U've been to the Tanglin club blues jam? :mrgreen:
nope don have lei (cos of work) but been invited by segar... jam with him at blue note b4 quite fun hahaha
i love the blues, its comes naturally, not a purist though cos i enjoy most diff forms of music too which i think should be the way. helps alot in growth as a musician be it a blues musician jazz or rock.
but still blues is my first love.
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