It's okay for an intro provided you get the dynamics right which I can see is what you are trying to get at. I assume that it will be a lot heavier when you record it with your band and do a gradual buildup from the cleanish start until you start chunking.
Look forward to hearing the rest.
BTW make sure you stay in tune - parts of the beginning sound a bit flat and dissonant (unless that's the effect you're after )