#1. you shouldn't use rods to be softer. you should, yes, PLAY softer...
#2. if even with your vic firth muffler and rods it stills sound as loud as when you're banging away on the kit with sticks, then probably A. your mufflers aren't touching the drum skin at all, and B. your rods are made out of 10 drumsticks bound together or something...