Help me out!

[platinumweird91]

i trying my luck at song writing and so i came out with this...
kinda wanna make it like linkin park's midnutes to midnight..
about humanity..
so wanna songwriters out there to help me improve...
i just dont know how to end the song..
and the choruse too.

Title: COWARDS AIN'T WE ALL

Cowards ain't we all
We wanna prevail, don't wanna fall
Into the dead, deprived and despair.
When these are the times you learn to bare
Your fears you keep in God knows where

Pressed for time you launch
Into space not turning back
To see what you’ve missed out

(Chorus)
Cowards ain't we all
We party all night, and have a ball
Leave the poor, hungry, the shelterless oblivious
Too drunk to face bitter realness
When they're shoved up into your Botoxed faces

So pick up all your luggage
And rev up the speed gauge
Drive to the caves
And squirrel away for a thousand years
Aghast to come and stand out

Wo-oah

No, no I’m not like you
I’ll prove I’m better
My fears ripped off just
To have the world at my feet
I know I’m gonna make it.

This is the world that we live in.
All the complacency we believe in.
The Secret Service concealing,
Of what we should understand.

(Chorus)
Cowards ain't we all
We party all night, and have a ball
Leave the poor, hungry, the shelterless oblivious
Too drunk to face bitter realness
When they're shoved up into your Botoxed faces

So pick up all your luggage
And rev up the speed gauge
Drive to the caves
And squirrel away for a thousand years
Aghast to come and stand out
You know we’ve got to find a way.
To bring hate to love right away.
Stop all flowing pearls down your cheeks,
Bring agony to bliss.

No, no I’m not like you
I’ll prove I’m better
My fears ripped off just
To have the world at my feet
I know I’m gonna make it.

No, no I’m not like you
I’ll prove I’m better
My fears ripped off just
To have the world at my feet
I know I’m gonna make it.

Pressed for time you launch
Into space not turning back
To see what you’ve missed out

Oh…
To see what you’ve missed
Yeah…
To see what you missed.

 

[Keorfas]

Well it would be much easier to help you out if you could record the rhythm you are intending to use with at least the vocal flow that you intent to use and how the verse and the chorus contrast from each other.

Cause I dont think you wanna totally follow another song. Just my two cents.

Peace

 

[platinumweird91]

maybe i wan the song to be like pictures of you..some sort?

 

[jude777]

nice try...sounds gd...i been composing songs 4 5 yrs now...can help u.
ad me @ j7a7c@hotmail.com if u r interested.
rock on...

 

[ShyamRaj]

hey dude i like the idea you have for the song but i think if you had the music and a rough vocal melody over it , it would be easier to pitcure the lines . To start off with , there is no right or wrong in the way you write a song . So what may seem off to me , mite seem rite to you.its an expression afterall rite
.
The only issue to me is that certain lines are formally written (like poetic kinda thing ) and the next follow up seems informal . So its like a clash in direction. but the theme is good . Not many ppl write stuff like these today. and it seems like in some parts you are forcing yourself to rhyme . Here is a trick that alot of ppl use dude. its just a way in getting more options. go to thesauras.com and start finding alternative words to suit the song or fancy up certain words to rhyme. .

this is what i can think of so far . maybe record a rough vocal track. it would be easier to help you out .