roninriot
Banned
Why some men find it hard to commit...
LOVE YOU LONG TIME?
Why do men find it so difficult to commit to just one woman? We couldn’t really be that fickle… could we?
WRITTEN BY LEVAN WEE
I’ve never been any good at long-term relationships. They are as foreign to me as a UFO from Uranus and as far from my heart as the distance between Antarctica and the Arctic. Staying committed to a girl just isn’t in my DNA. Don’t be mistaken; I am not against the idea of love – I’ve been in love plenty of times. I’m just against the idea of keeping myself in love after its expiry date passes. Just like milk, the sweetest of tastes always turns sour eventually.
I’m sure I’m not the only guy who feels this way too. Since the dawn of time, probably when early men first discovered the full functionality of their little brothers ‘down there’, men have been instinctively commitment-phobic. Think I’m making this up? Well, recent statistics reveal the rate of divorce in Singapore to be rising and the rate of marriages to be on the decline. What this simply means is that the dreaded ‘C-word’ remains low on the priority list of things to do for guys – right beneath plucking our nostril hairs and eating poisonous Pong Pong fruits. It’s no surprise as well that teenaged guys dive in and out of relationships faster than they can shout “I’m horny for more, more, more!”
That’s not to say commitment is a bad thing. On the contrary, I admire any guy who’s able to commit to a girl for the long haul. But to me, a long-lasting love affair isn’t very different from dragging yourself through a desert, misled by an oasis of wonderful thoughts of living happily ever-after, only to realise that romance is a mirage that lulls your senses and knocks you down when you aren’t looking. Still, one man’s poison is another man’s meat – I’d just rather be getting more choices of meat than the other guy, if you get my drift.
I know what the ladies must be thinking; Why can’t guys just commit? Well, there’s a very good excuse….um, I mean, reason for our fear of commitment– five good reasons actually!
1. FREEDOM IS A NICE ‘F’ WORD
Freedom – we love it, we want it, we crave it. A guy values his freedom the way he values watching a football match with his buddies on weekends. When a man feels like a relationship is infringing on his freedom to do whatever he wants, whenever he wants to, he runs like a scared dog. It’s not exactly the best of escape routes but it’s certainly better than standing around and peeing on the rug.
2. LOSS OF FREE TIME
Serious long-term relationships take up an incredulous amount of time and patience. Most guys are horrible at multi-tasking – we can’t read the papers and hold a conversation at the same time to save our lives! It’s just not built into our programming. Work and play are two very separate commodities that each requires a specific amount of time. As a result, when a relationship starts to eat into our precious fun time, the alarm bells start ringing and we immediately start dashing for the nearest exit route.
3. FEAR OF GETTING HURT
Men are just as capable of suffering from a broken heart as a woman is – the one difference being that the guy usually has so huge an ego, he’ll never admit it. Commitment means wearing your heart on your sleeve, putting your emotions on the line and exposing yourself to the risk of getting hurt in the long run. The truth is, other single men will always be on the hunt for new women, so what’s to say the girl you truly love won’t pack up and leave you for another man who’s better in bed, richer or just plain cooler than you? As much as we hate to admit it, men are insecure and an insecure man is a man who will find any means necessary to hide his weaknesses – and that usually involves getting out before getting in too deep in a relationship.
4. WE’RE HORNY DEVILS
Usually when men boast to their friends about having slept with X number of girls (X = actual number of girls he’s slept with * shameless exaggeration), his friends give him a big pat on the back for being a stallion of love. On the other hand, a woman who readily divulges the number of men she’s slept with is usually greeted with far less fanfare and is oftentimes branded as being that bad ‘S’ word. It’s a sad but true reality that we practice double standards in our society and as a result, a man often finds himself having to prove his manliness through his ability to charm a lady out of her dress. In cases like these, less doesn’t always mean more and almost any young stud worth his weight in free love would hesitate at the thought of tying himself down to a serious relationship. To him, the very thought of bedding the same girl for the rest of his life is enough to give him cold feet and a sudden case of shrinking balls.
5. MONEY, MONEY, MONEY
The longer a man stays in a relationship, the more money he’s likely to spend (unless he finds himself a sugar mummy!). Even if a committed couple goes Dutch, it’s inevitable that the guy is bound to spend more money that he ordinarily would on silly unnecessary things like romantic dinner dates, extravagant Valentine’s Day gifts, and (gasp) maybe even an engagement ring. It won’t be long before kids start popping out of nowhere and everybody knows that these little bundles of joy will suck your bank account dry faster than you can change diapers. Money is power and power is something most men with a backbone love having. The more money he spends on a woman and the less he saves for himself just makes it all the less likely he’ll ever be able to afford his dream sports car or that condo by the beach. And we all know that a man who has no hopes of owning either of these things isn’t worth his weight in gold, literally
___________
WHAT WOMEN WANT:
Fiona, 23, ‘unappreciated talent’
”Men are afraid of being labelled as losers by his guy friends. Commitment for a guy usually means making a lot of sacrifices he isn’t necessarily willing to make and devoting a lot of time to one girl. In most lasting relationships, women are usually the ones who wear the pants and that’s a lot of ego to swallow for any guy. What most women want is full-time commitment and unconditional compromise. Money is also sometimes more important than good sex.”
Jeerawan, 29, journalist
”The Peter Pan Syndrome can be found in many men these days. He dotes on himself and is afraid to make any kind of commitment to a girl. He wants to retain his sense of youth and the idea of settling down scares him. All women want from a man is never-ending affection, 24/7 undivided attention and a little extra spending power – is that really too much to ask?”
WHAT MEN WANT:
Peter, 19, ‘swinging sexy single’
”Getting tied down to just one girl is no different from being a canary in a cage. No matter how you try to be a swinger on your little perch, you will never feel a true sense of freedom. Why be a tiny bird when you can be an eagle, soaring in the skies for the next prey? What men want most of all is to relish in their sexual conquests and putting their eggs into as many baskets as possible. That’s why I’m a regular basket case!”
Freddie, 19, National Servicemen
”Men like possessions they can cash-and-carry, no frills, no instalments, just something they can instantly enjoy before moving on to the next big thing. Women are like coffee machines – they aren’t always necessary, they cost a lot, and reading their instruction manual is usually more of a chore than anything else. What men want is something instant like a simple 3-in-1 coffee mix, something to keep him up all night and doesn’t take a long time to prepare”
_____________
LOVE YOU LONG TIME?
Why do men find it so difficult to commit to just one woman? We couldn’t really be that fickle… could we?
WRITTEN BY LEVAN WEE
I’ve never been any good at long-term relationships. They are as foreign to me as a UFO from Uranus and as far from my heart as the distance between Antarctica and the Arctic. Staying committed to a girl just isn’t in my DNA. Don’t be mistaken; I am not against the idea of love – I’ve been in love plenty of times. I’m just against the idea of keeping myself in love after its expiry date passes. Just like milk, the sweetest of tastes always turns sour eventually.
I’m sure I’m not the only guy who feels this way too. Since the dawn of time, probably when early men first discovered the full functionality of their little brothers ‘down there’, men have been instinctively commitment-phobic. Think I’m making this up? Well, recent statistics reveal the rate of divorce in Singapore to be rising and the rate of marriages to be on the decline. What this simply means is that the dreaded ‘C-word’ remains low on the priority list of things to do for guys – right beneath plucking our nostril hairs and eating poisonous Pong Pong fruits. It’s no surprise as well that teenaged guys dive in and out of relationships faster than they can shout “I’m horny for more, more, more!”
That’s not to say commitment is a bad thing. On the contrary, I admire any guy who’s able to commit to a girl for the long haul. But to me, a long-lasting love affair isn’t very different from dragging yourself through a desert, misled by an oasis of wonderful thoughts of living happily ever-after, only to realise that romance is a mirage that lulls your senses and knocks you down when you aren’t looking. Still, one man’s poison is another man’s meat – I’d just rather be getting more choices of meat than the other guy, if you get my drift.
I know what the ladies must be thinking; Why can’t guys just commit? Well, there’s a very good excuse….um, I mean, reason for our fear of commitment– five good reasons actually!
1. FREEDOM IS A NICE ‘F’ WORD
Freedom – we love it, we want it, we crave it. A guy values his freedom the way he values watching a football match with his buddies on weekends. When a man feels like a relationship is infringing on his freedom to do whatever he wants, whenever he wants to, he runs like a scared dog. It’s not exactly the best of escape routes but it’s certainly better than standing around and peeing on the rug.
2. LOSS OF FREE TIME
Serious long-term relationships take up an incredulous amount of time and patience. Most guys are horrible at multi-tasking – we can’t read the papers and hold a conversation at the same time to save our lives! It’s just not built into our programming. Work and play are two very separate commodities that each requires a specific amount of time. As a result, when a relationship starts to eat into our precious fun time, the alarm bells start ringing and we immediately start dashing for the nearest exit route.
3. FEAR OF GETTING HURT
Men are just as capable of suffering from a broken heart as a woman is – the one difference being that the guy usually has so huge an ego, he’ll never admit it. Commitment means wearing your heart on your sleeve, putting your emotions on the line and exposing yourself to the risk of getting hurt in the long run. The truth is, other single men will always be on the hunt for new women, so what’s to say the girl you truly love won’t pack up and leave you for another man who’s better in bed, richer or just plain cooler than you? As much as we hate to admit it, men are insecure and an insecure man is a man who will find any means necessary to hide his weaknesses – and that usually involves getting out before getting in too deep in a relationship.
4. WE’RE HORNY DEVILS
Usually when men boast to their friends about having slept with X number of girls (X = actual number of girls he’s slept with * shameless exaggeration), his friends give him a big pat on the back for being a stallion of love. On the other hand, a woman who readily divulges the number of men she’s slept with is usually greeted with far less fanfare and is oftentimes branded as being that bad ‘S’ word. It’s a sad but true reality that we practice double standards in our society and as a result, a man often finds himself having to prove his manliness through his ability to charm a lady out of her dress. In cases like these, less doesn’t always mean more and almost any young stud worth his weight in free love would hesitate at the thought of tying himself down to a serious relationship. To him, the very thought of bedding the same girl for the rest of his life is enough to give him cold feet and a sudden case of shrinking balls.
5. MONEY, MONEY, MONEY
The longer a man stays in a relationship, the more money he’s likely to spend (unless he finds himself a sugar mummy!). Even if a committed couple goes Dutch, it’s inevitable that the guy is bound to spend more money that he ordinarily would on silly unnecessary things like romantic dinner dates, extravagant Valentine’s Day gifts, and (gasp) maybe even an engagement ring. It won’t be long before kids start popping out of nowhere and everybody knows that these little bundles of joy will suck your bank account dry faster than you can change diapers. Money is power and power is something most men with a backbone love having. The more money he spends on a woman and the less he saves for himself just makes it all the less likely he’ll ever be able to afford his dream sports car or that condo by the beach. And we all know that a man who has no hopes of owning either of these things isn’t worth his weight in gold, literally
___________
WHAT WOMEN WANT:
Fiona, 23, ‘unappreciated talent’
”Men are afraid of being labelled as losers by his guy friends. Commitment for a guy usually means making a lot of sacrifices he isn’t necessarily willing to make and devoting a lot of time to one girl. In most lasting relationships, women are usually the ones who wear the pants and that’s a lot of ego to swallow for any guy. What most women want is full-time commitment and unconditional compromise. Money is also sometimes more important than good sex.”
Jeerawan, 29, journalist
”The Peter Pan Syndrome can be found in many men these days. He dotes on himself and is afraid to make any kind of commitment to a girl. He wants to retain his sense of youth and the idea of settling down scares him. All women want from a man is never-ending affection, 24/7 undivided attention and a little extra spending power – is that really too much to ask?”
WHAT MEN WANT:
Peter, 19, ‘swinging sexy single’
”Getting tied down to just one girl is no different from being a canary in a cage. No matter how you try to be a swinger on your little perch, you will never feel a true sense of freedom. Why be a tiny bird when you can be an eagle, soaring in the skies for the next prey? What men want most of all is to relish in their sexual conquests and putting their eggs into as many baskets as possible. That’s why I’m a regular basket case!”
Freddie, 19, National Servicemen
”Men like possessions they can cash-and-carry, no frills, no instalments, just something they can instantly enjoy before moving on to the next big thing. Women are like coffee machines – they aren’t always necessary, they cost a lot, and reading their instruction manual is usually more of a chore than anything else. What men want is something instant like a simple 3-in-1 coffee mix, something to keep him up all night and doesn’t take a long time to prepare”
_____________
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