Some Mandarin Songs I wrote. Pls comment...

[zilchster81]

2 Yue 13 Ri Fen Shou (Breakup on February 13th) can be downloaded from this site:

http://www.mediafire.com/?0mixj5xodln

好害怕走在人群中 到处看见情人 牵手
城市的浪漫气氛中 似乎没人发觉 我心痛

我不要你安慰我 别哄骗说爱过我 做出一些举动 让我感动(迷惑)

二月十三日分手 各自恢复了自由 今天的情人节 我和我自己度过
二月十三日分手 情人变成好朋友 你说这样的关系 你会比较轻松
也许你不会懂 朋友和情人间距离太多

二月十四你说有空 想约我这朋友 吹风
我如何回应这要求 点头接受还是 摇摇头

不要牵着我的手 让我感受到温柔 却在下一秒钟 推开我的手

二月十三日分手 各自恢复了自由 今天的情人节 我和我自己度过
二月十三日分手 情人变成好朋友 可是这样的关系 我并不会好过

请你不要继续下去 试图清理的回忆 被你一一唤醒

想对你说这都是我的错 二月十三分手我一样难过
走一遍我们走过的街头 我还记得当时我们笑容

二月十三日分手 各自恢复了自由 今天的情人节 我和我自己度过
二月十三日分手 做永远的好朋友 你说朋友的关系 会比爱情永久
你的永远多久 可不可以永远不再放手

Looking forward to all comments...

Wo Xiang Yi Ge Xiao Hai can be downloaded from here...

http://www.mediafire.com/?5naftjmyliz
我知道 你总用心体谅明白
从来不责怪 原谅我的坏 都出自你的爱

或许我 不善于表现我的爱
有时会温柔 有时发脾气 以为这是爱

我像一个小孩 喜欢叛逆使坏
每当我无理取闹 无意给你伤害

像长不大的小孩 任性闯祸使坏
你默默等待会有一天 我学乖

很多次 我言行举止让你苦不堪言
对不起 我会改 请你不要离开

Both Songs are sung by my friend Jarrod Yeo.

 

[Gr3y]

can tell u are quiet sad from some incident...

but ur song cant really express ur sadness..

1stly.. i feel you can slow ur tempo abit and fill in with some creative piano lines..

2ndly.. tell more of the story.. not just tell people how sad you are from a break up.. maybe how the past is like as compared to now.. and how your life will be in future or wad changes already took place..

3rdly.. remove that drum tempo.. if a sad song follows the timing perfectly, it is very hard to express its sadness.. no 1 crys in tempo.. sometimes u need to slow down or even stop in this music to express the sadness..

Hope my advise are good enuff for you and awaiting a better rearrangement! enjoyed reading the lyrics btw..

 

[Paynk]

Can you up the volume of your singing.. I can't really hear it.

Anyway good try chinese lyrics are harder to write. Maybe you can try to include some imagery or metaphors something like that.

 

[jianrong]

hi...You are here too..

8)

 

[gryphon]

Hi,

Tried to listen to your songs but the website says waiting to download....

 

[zilchster81]

Uploaded a new link...do listen and give me ur comments...tanks.