Lyrics thread

[Rollercoaster]

I think this is a good way to show some of our lyricis. You know, you sorta write some lyrics and you kinda think it's good but you wanna know what people think of it. Well this is the perfect opportunity to give each other opinions on our individual work. I for one think I'm shitty at lyrics but still am curious to know what other people think of my work...........


Lovers' Day
Looking for somebody out on Lover's day, yeah ain't there an answer for today,
Blowing, puffing on a dead man's cigarette. The smoke, seems like the art of the devil.
Moving along to the fashion of the people. Trend-seeking, Trance-seeking.
I ain't sleeping till I'm dying.
I ain't sleeping till I'm dying.
Why don't you come with me?
Why don't you come with me?
Meet me at the end of the tunnel, where the light shines.
For every child who dies, there's another born.
For every girl I love, there's another lost.
For every famous song, there's another thrown.
For every seed I sow, they reap another fruit.
A strange seed, another cry......................

 

[Rollercoaster]

I have to emphasise, I'm not much of a vocal expressionist......

 

[MrRhoads]

http://soft.com.sg/2006/modules.php?name=Forums&file=viewtopic&t=7861&highlight=lyricist

Merge with this ?

 

[RoRK]

>>I ain't sleeping till I'm dying.
>>I ain't sleeping till I'm dying.

Stay away from "I aint"'s; Asians don't do that naturally and worse still happens when we try to sing songs with those two words. Just say "I don't" or "I won't". It'll sound just as good and your singer won't have to BS his way - and screw up; inevitably.

>>For every child who dies, there's another born.
>>For every girl I love, there's another lost.
>>For every famous song, there's another thrown.
>>For every fruit I reap, there's another sow.

First two lines are cool. The 3rd line seems forced. It makes me think what the famous song has to do with what's already been said in lines 1 & 2. You go from death to live and then to a song???

It could be what you want it to be but to me it looks like you're forcing something that shouldn't be.

And the last line seems to come out from nowhere [sown was what you intended]. Perhaps there's more that you should say earlier so that this bit gels with the rest of the song.

I feel that therer are good bits there. Perhaps you should write a little more about the song before you provide us with the lyrics. But then again that wouldn't work in the real world scenario. In the real world scenario, people will judge you and expect that your words and sentences lead from one to another in the manner that they sort of tell a story.

With so much jumping around in terms of subject without a clear definitive object makes it difficult for one to have an understanding of what the song/lyrics is all about.

It has potential. I suggest that you ask yourself what the song is about. Then ask yourself what the important things are TO PEOPLE who can relate to the topic. You have to forget about yourself sometimes. Unless you are a godsent, chances are that what you feel is very different from what others feel.

Your best bet when starting out is to try to find a topic that others can relate to and then to find lyrical hooks that they can relate to and understand. Not everyone goes from death to life and then writing a song. That's obviously typically of you. But not others. And by others, I mean a majority of others or at the very least a significant number of 'others'. There is too much of YOU in the lyrics. Weane your lyrics off of yourself and you'll be at least 5 times better - for yourself and for those that you want to share your music with.

Write for others first. Once you make it; you can write for yourself.

Keep it up. You're good.

 

[Rollercoaster]

Thanks RoRK, I really appreciate your comment! I'll keep thinking what I want the song to be.....

 

[thor666]

Try not to write like a poem. I can't emphatise with you beyond that first line. You don't want to be too obvious in a song, but you don't want to be too vague such that listeners have no idea what are you talking about.

Also, think of what you actually want to express. Don't waste your lyrics with themes that are nice and flowery but add nothing to what you want to say.