How to make a sucky band

[atomicator]

How to suck:


-- The guitarist must have more pedals than a China bicycle factory. Jam studio lights must dim when he plugs them in


-- The singer must act like he is is playing an arena, with slogans like "let's make some noooooize!!!' or "wooohooo!!" and pumping his fists. Inside the jam studio

-- On stage, he MUST scream "let's make some noooiiiize!!" within the first 2 songs. Bonus points for screaming "Hellllllooooo (insert name of pub/poly/Chinese clan association, depending on venue)!!!"


-- He must suddenly speak with an American accent on stage even though he was born in Bukit Batok. Must have on-mike verbal diarrhea between songs.

-- Must think that "rawk attitude" = "piercings and/or tattoos and/or hair dye"

-- Total band piercings must be > number of piercings in audience

-- Must rehearse only when there is a gig coming up

-- Dollars spent on rawk clothes, hair and bling must be > dollars spent on rehearsal time

-- At rehearsal, the drummer must only play at two volumes -- loud, and loud enough for the band in the next studio to jam along

-- You must spend more time talking about music over kopi or beer at the kopitiam outside the jam studio than you spend inside the studio, practising music

-- Must keep at least one guy who can't play, because he is the brudder/cousin/ah long of another member. Bonus points if you keep that guy around because he has a car/the most effects pedals/always pays for the studio/ has the "rawk god" look

-- You must think having a rawk chick in your band is cool, even though she can't play or sing, but you hope she might at least go out with one of you


Anyone care to add?

 

[Raistmar]

So whats your point? Are you trying to prove something?

 

[PatheinRaindropMoe]

1) enjoy giving more than having it during action

2) Go slow, with right music and lighting

3) No violent teeth grinding

4) vary the speed

5) tease and run

6) deep within

7) eyes look up, make sure the one getting know you're looking

8 ) dont talk so much

9) more slurring action without talking

10) dont suck without asking for permission first, learn the instrument well and play it like its the last show on earth, ever!

 

[Aki S. Ian]

may i ask whats the point of this thread?
personal lashing out perhaps?
coz soft aint a place for that, that much i know

 

[PatheinRaindropMoe]

heh, there wasnt even any names or bands mentioned, just some observations threadstarter might have. Which imho, some of it are so true...

laugh about it and get over it while thinking and reflecting on ourself, what make us so tight till we make virgin blush at times..

 

[PatheinRaindropMoe]

as a conscious effort to abide by moderator/forum regulation after much reflection and thining, i will not post anymore in this thread after this

Anyone interested in finding out relation between compression and sucking, low pass filter and deep throat, vco and vibrator. Use pm

lupchoodeepdeep

 

[roninriot]

Actually I think this post was meant more of as a light hearted joke than a personal lashing. So some of you really need to chill and not over-read into things. Like you know, have a sense of humour. Aren't we Singaporeans just known for our wonderful sense of humour after all? Ha de ha ha.

Not everything must have a 'point' to it. Take for example, the National Day Parade or security guards around toilets. Woo hoo!

1. Post on a forum and make people upset that you're referring to one of them.
2. Post a response in a forum with a lame reference to The National Day Parade.

Check, check.

I'm going back to have a monologue with my stamp collection or something.

(giggles)

 

[Raistmar]

Right. Ooookay.

 

[Mortichro]

why the hell are you guys so serious?

shit have some sense of humour THIS IS the internet.

anyway this thread is win

 

[Jugman]

haha some points are really funny!

hah guys, laugh along. where's your sense of humour. this is only a joke!

 

[fgl]

I think soft should set up a raunchy jokes area that can be accessed only by verified members who are of age - sammyboy style - if they are "concerned" about the number of minors reading it. Hell, sometimes I think some of these minors could teach us old farts a thing or two...

2 cents added to the cost of my playboy mag

 

[RoRK]

Do like me

1) the hell with timing
2) band members tune their instruments as they wish


I RIKES!

 

[dtrulez38]

How to suck:

-- The guitarist must have more pedals than a China bicycle factory. Jam studio lights must dim when he plugs them in

hahaha...:grin:

 

[karlie]

Do like me

1) the hell with timing
2) band members tune their instruments as they wish


I RIKES!

HAHA i like the one bout band members tuning their own way hahahaa

 

[FluxUs]

that wouldnt suck that be art!!!! yeah..........cmon lets see more ppl screwing abt w their music.......

 

[Vaiyen]

haha this thread is funny. There are at least 2 points I can so relate to.

 

[burnout747]

"let's make some noooooize!!!' Inside the studio. hahah, I've heard this before. laugh out when i saw this

 

[roninriot]

As the Joker in Batman says, 'WHY SO SERIOUS?!"

Oh i got one!

)

2) Enter the jamming studio, arouse yourself by stroking the drum sticks suggestively, then run out of the studio in a panic and complain to the guy at the counter that you felt the drum sticks getting bigger
3) Plant a nuclear bomb inside the Marshall Amp
4) Carry a double-neck guitar and play a one-string solo (after you've boasted that you can play just like Himi Hendrix). Remember to thrust your pelvis outwards.
5) when jamming begins, suggest going to karaoke instead, with a completely straight face.
6) If you're singing in an emo band, the moment you start jamming your first song, break down into sobs and scar your wrists with some emo words like "I Hate this world (P.S. I'm not going to pay for jamming. Your mother is a MILF)"
7) Donate all your band funds to charity just before recording your EP.
8) Do the following in reverse order.
Plug in your guitar <--- Turn on your amp <--- Play an awesome solo <-- Smash Your Guitar

 

[BleedsNoMore]

As the Joker in Batman says, 'WHY SO SERIOUS?!"

7) Donate all your band funds to charity just before recording your EP.
8) Do the following in reverse order.
Plug in your guitar <--- Turn on your amp <--- Play an awesome solo <-- Smash Your Guitar

WHAT THA FARK!! AHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAH!!!!!

 

[Cavett]

-- The guitarist must have more pedals than a China bicycle factory. Jam studio lights must dim when he plugs them in

-- The singer must act like he is is playing an arena, with slogans like "let's make some noooooize!!!' or "wooohooo!!" and pumping his fists. Inside the jam studio

-- He must suddenly speak with an American accent on stage even though he was born in Bukit Batok. Must have on-mike verbal diarrhea between songs.

-- Must rehearse only when there is a gig coming up

-- At rehearsal, the drummer must only play at two volumes -- loud, and loud enough for the band in the next studio to jam along

-- You must spend more time talking about music over kopi or beer at the kopitiam outside the jam studio than you spend inside the studio, practising music

-- Must keep at least one guy who can't play, because he is the brudder/cousin/ah long of another member. Bonus points if you keep that guy around because he has a car/the most effects pedals/always pays for the studio/ has the "rawk god" look

Brilliant!! LoL~