Beautiful Mistake (Original)

[Soldi]

Hey guys , just wrote this song called "Beautiful Mistake"

do check it out here

http://myspace.com/cupidsheartbreak

its at the top of the player

comments are greatly welcomed





Lyrics

(VERSE)
i'll treat you like i said i would
you know i'll never lie to you
i love you for the things you do
youre so beautiful

youre an angel in my eyes
ill never let you go
i'll let all else fall before i let you fall
i love you so

(CHORUS)
i hope we last a lifetime together
holding on to our dreams we can
youre the one for me im the one to be
this beautiful mistake
that we can have

that we can have

(VERSE)
youre like the air i breathe everyday
youre the girl i cant live without and youre
giving me all kinds of love i can take
youre the diamond in this crowded place

im a sucker for all your kisses
you know how much i love your lips
if im allowed to have another one
im damn sure its the best cause it is

(CHORUS)
i hope we last a lifetime together
holding on to our dreams we can
youre the one for me im the one to be
this beautiful mistake
that we can have

that we can have

 

[j_m_s]

Bro! Great song. yet again! haha

 

[vickomaniac]

pretty good, sounds very wonderwall-ish
however i think there are too many gasps and pauses.
nevertheless, nice song, just needs a lil bit more refinement

 

[yoruka19]

hey bro pardon me for saying this,seriously the background vocal is kinda annoying, sounded like 2 same track overlapping each other which i felt is quite messy n couldnt make myself finish listening, hope u dun mind me saying this n i have no intention of any disrespect or whatsoever just airing my views, peace^^

 

[yoruka19]

hey bro pardon me for saying this,seriously the background vocal is kinda annoying, sounded like 2 same track overlapping each other which i felt is quite messy n couldnt make myself finish listening, hope u dun mind me saying this n i have no intention of any disrespect or whatsoever just airing my views, peace^^

sorry bro i take back my words,it was technical problems on my side or it was technical fault on myspace player thats y i heard overlapping effect ...yes its a great song ^^ sorry for the previous post

 

[wjl123]

Hey its pretty cool needs some touching up . What i felt was lacking was that the chorus was not impact-ful enough, well just my opinion haha.

 

[BonAparte]

Great song bro. Keep it up

 

[Paynk]

Quite a nice song, and quite clear, but there are too many gasps at some point of time which made me feel uh... I think the best word is "gek". I think the pauses are fine but maybe consider cutting down on the almost asthmatic gasps. Occasional flats, but I find the voice generally sexy lol.

Anyway something irrelevant to music, please don't flame me for being so superficial lol, but can you all change the profile photo to something with slightly more effort. Looking at the photo I really thought the songs will be just as roughly done but it was actually much better than I expected (only based on the photo). Of cos uh, that's only my opinion.



EDIT: Added you guys btw.

 

[Soldi]

Quite a nice song, and quite clear, but there are too many gasps at some point of time which made me feel uh... I think the best word is "gek". I think the pauses are fine but maybe consider cutting down on the almost asthmatic gasps. Occasional flats, but I find the voice generally sexy lol.

Anyway something irrelevant to music, please don't flame me for being so superficial lol, but can you all change the profile photo to something with slightly more effort. Looking at the photo I really thought the songs will be just as roughly done but it was actually much better than I expected (only based on the photo). Of cos uh, that's only my opinion.



EDIT: Added you guys btw.

Thanks for the comment im uploading a new version with less "gasps" . guess it was a bad day for recording for me haha.

for the profile pic though.. we've had alot of lineup changes so we dont really have a right picture yet. and im a photographer so sense the irony

anyway thanks for the comment song will be uploaded soon

 

[daryl]

it's an ok song. but i feel it could be improved upon. i may sound harsh here but it's only because i'm honest.

your voice is decent. the gasps are fine with me too, i feel if it's your style of singing it's ok.

you could improve on the musical depth. the entire vocal melody is the same throughout. i can hardly distinguish the verses from the choruses. the only part that differs much is the part which goes 'that we can have'. also, if i'm not wrong the entire song is based on one chord progression. songs with one chord progression tend to sound samey if you do not vary the vocal melody.

also, you could give the song some space to breathe. it could make it sound nicer in my opinion. you are rambling on almost throughout and the only part that catches my attention is the part where you go 'that we can have'. i guess the term is phrasing? you could phrase to emphasize better what you want to express. 'that we can have' has the most emphasis yet it doesn't seem to be more worthy of emphasis than 'beautiful mistake' or 'i love you so'. but i could be wrong. you're the songwriter, i dunno. just take note of this i guess.

another area to improve on would be the lyrics. i'm sure they could be better. 'you're a diamond in this crowded place' isn't exactly a good line. what does a diamond have to do with a crowded place?

and of course, i'm sure you're aware of this, the lyrics are really cliched. 'you're the angel in my eyes', 'hope we last a lifetime together'. if you want it that way so be it. but it could be improved on in my opinion. love songs do not need to have cliched and cheesy lyrics. expression could be more poetic.

 

[ys]

it's an ok song. but i feel it could be improved upon. i may sound harsh here but it's only because i'm honest.

your voice is decent. the gasps are fine with me too, i feel if it's your style of singing it's ok.

you could improve on the musical depth. the entire vocal melody is the same throughout. i can hardly distinguish the verses from the choruses. the only part that differs much is the part which goes 'that we can have'. also, if i'm not wrong the entire song is based on one chord progression. songs with one chord progression tend to sound samey if you do not vary the vocal melody.

also, you could give the song some space to breathe. it could make it sound nicer in my opinion. you are rambling on almost throughout and the only part that catches my attention is the part where you go 'that we can have'. i guess the term is phrasing? you could phrase to emphasize better what you want to express. 'that we can have' has the most emphasis yet it doesn't seem to be more worthy of emphasis than 'beautiful mistake' or 'i love you so'. but i could be wrong. you're the songwriter, i dunno. just take note of this i guess.

another area to improve on would be the lyrics. i'm sure they could be better. 'you're a diamond in this crowded place' isn't exactly a good line. what does a diamond have to do with a crowded place?

and of course, i'm sure you're aware of this, the lyrics are really cliched. 'you're the angel in my eyes', 'hope we last a lifetime together'. if you want it that way so be it. but it could be improved on in my opinion. love songs do not need to have cliched and cheesy lyrics. expression could be more poetic.

why u so harsh bro? relak la. you can rite beta sung? i dun tink so man
diamond in the crowde plase mean dat it shine dam bright la den can see the ger, right? you dunno pottery issit bro?

 

[yoruka19]

it's an ok song. but i feel it could be improved upon. i may sound harsh here but it's only because i'm honest.

your voice is decent. the gasps are fine with me too, i feel if it's your style of singing it's ok.

you could improve on the musical depth. the entire vocal melody is the same throughout. i can hardly distinguish the verses from the choruses. the only part that differs much is the part which goes 'that we can have'. also, if i'm not wrong the entire song is based on one chord progression. songs with one chord progression tend to sound samey if you do not vary the vocal melody.

also, you could give the song some space to breathe. it could make it sound nicer in my opinion. you are rambling on almost throughout and the only part that catches my attention is the part where you go 'that we can have'. i guess the term is phrasing? you could phrase to emphasize better what you want to express. 'that we can have' has the most emphasis yet it doesn't seem to be more worthy of emphasis than 'beautiful mistake' or 'i love you so'. but i could be wrong. you're the songwriter, i dunno. just take note of this i guess.

another area to improve on would be the lyrics. i'm sure they could be better. 'you're a diamond in this crowded place' isn't exactly a good line. what does a diamond have to do with a crowded place?

and of course, i'm sure you're aware of this, the lyrics are really cliched. 'you're the angel in my eyes', 'hope we last a lifetime together'. if you want it that way so be it. but it could be improved on in my opinion. love songs do not need to have cliched and cheesy lyrics. expression could be more poetic.

hey sorry dude but dun mind me saying this...i really hate it when ppl give critique on a song with the "I Really Don't Think Its that Great" attitude, i mean yea u definitely can air ur opinions or maybe even your dislike for the song, but i believe that can be done in a much nicer way, to me the critiques that u gave above should come out only from an establish music producer or songwriter which i'm not sure if u are one(if u are one then im sorry),surely u understand that every songwriter has alot of pride in his/her song if the person dare to post it online for everyone to comment on and the person would definitely feel sucky if anyone has harsh comment towards his/hers brainchild not because the person cannot take criticism but as i've mention b4 it could be express through a nicer way. And for the lyrics part so what if its cliched or cheesy? different people like different stuff, and different ppl's ability to write lyrics varies, so who are u to make criticism on it ...btw im not here trying to pick a fight or anything, surely you dun like ppl to tell u what to do for your song too right? unless the person just started out, and what more he is already doing very well for a beginner(if he is). Have more respect for others work man, chill.

 

[Reubenfjk]

hey sorry dude but dun mind me saying this...i really hate it when ppl give critique on a song with the "I Really Don't Think Its that Great" attitude, i mean yea u definitely can air ur opinions or maybe even your dislike for the song, but i believe that can be done in a much nicer way, to me the critiques that u gave above should come out only from an establish music producer or songwriter which i'm not sure if u are one(if u are one then im sorry),surely u understand that every songwriter has alot of pride in his/her song if the person dare to post it online for everyone to comment on and the person would definitely feel sucky if anyone has harsh comment towards his/hers brainchild not because the person cannot take criticism but as i've mention b4 it could be express through a nicer way. And for the lyrics part so what if its cliched or cheesy? different people like different stuff, and different ppl's ability to write lyrics varies, so who are u to make criticism on it ...btw im not here trying to pick a fight or anything, surely you dun like ppl to tell u what to do for your song too right? unless the person just started out. Have more respect for other ppl's work man chill.

I'm sure he's just giving his honest opinion in a bid to try and help the TS. Not to critisise him but more to help him if you get my drift.

 

[yoruka19]

yea man i fully understand what hes trying to do, but surely could be less harsh n give more encouragement?

 

[Soldi]

thanks for the comments! i dont mind criticisms but i can say one thing for sure is Cliches are cliches for a reason

and if it "helps" im 15

im still tryna figure out the way to write a good song. so the comments do help

agree that there can be a differences in the song for the verse and the chorus.

will re-record/write it if i get to it.

cheers

 

[daryl]

it's great you have a good attitude. all the best

 

[Paynk]

why u so harsh bro? relak la. you can rite beta sung? i dun tink so man
diamond in the crowde plase mean dat it shine dam bright la den can see the ger, right? you dunno pottery issit bro?

Haha I'm not sure if Daryl knows pottery but poetry... probably.

Anyway I thought that Daryl's comment was so objective and constructive I almost nodded to myself. Actually I wanted to talk about the lyrics as well, but I hate it when people comment on my lyrics cos thats-what-I-think-why-do-you-care? So uh feel free to hate me but I'm just saying haha. I felt it could have more sincerity? I guess you might have been sincere when you wrote it but if, IF, you were to write this for me and I were the girl, I will find it hard to believe that you actually meant it because similar lyrics can be found anywhere. It's almost like a pick up line that goes "your father stole the stars in the sky and put them in your eyes".

But okay... You're 15, I guess maybe when I was 15 I wrote even more cheesy stuffs lol. I sort of escaped that stage of writing cliche stuffs when I started to think less and feel more about the songs ah, they are more like a stream of consciousness than a structured song now. And then again that's just me and my tiny suggestion.

All the best boys

 

[Soldi]

Haha I'm not sure if Daryl knows pottery but poetry... probably.

Anyway I thought that Daryl's comment was so objective and constructive I almost nodded to myself. Actually I wanted to talk about the lyrics as well, but I hate it when people comment on my lyrics cos thats-what-I-think-why-do-you-care? So uh feel free to hate me but I'm just saying haha. I felt it could have more sincerity? I guess you might have been sincere when you wrote it but if, IF, you were to write this for me and I were the girl, I will find it hard to believe that you actually meant it because similar lyrics can be found anywhere. It's almost like a pick up line that goes "your father stole the stars in the sky and put them in your eyes".

But okay... You're 15, I guess maybe when I was 15 I wrote even more cheesy stuffs lol. I sort of escaped that stage of writing cliche stuffs when I started to think less and feel more about the songs ah, they are more like a stream of consciousness than a structured song now. And then again that's just me and my tiny suggestion.

All the best boys

"that flower was the most beautiful thing i saw , until i gazed upon you"