I think the most straightforward way is to tweak it til you hear what you like, then go around tapping the circumference of the head and make sure the notes are all even. OR just turn the lugs like anyhow until you hear what you like. I know some people who do that without making the notes the same and their toms still sound nice.
For the snare try having your reso tighter than your batter, but loosen the 4 lugs around the snare bed a little bit.
Hope that helps a little? Haha